The first part of this piece can be found here. Its continuation is below.

Tomorrow was another day and that day was rehearsal. I woke up and I felt worse than the day before. The pain literally made me want to crawl in a hole and stay there. Carol and I rode together to rehearsal and I remember that entire day going off to be alone so I could just lay down and be alone. Massachusetts was there also, because he was the lead in the musical which was another sting to my ego.

Suddenly one of my guy friends Samuel kept coming up to me and asking if I was okay. I was curious to why he wanted to talk to me and kept asking if I was okay. I really believed that no one knew about the other day. It was then that we were waiting for the next scene to rehearse that he leaned over and asked me if Massachusetts and I had made out the day before.

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I looked at him and everything finally snapped. I decided that I was going to punish Massachusetts for doing this to me, I was going to end it and he would have to live with this for the rest of his life. I didn’t answer Samuel and instead got up and went straight to my Drama teacher’s classroom; I knew she kept a bottle of aspirin or something of that nature in a filing cabinet. I knew the pills wouldn’t kill me but I wanted to prove a point, a point that said, “This is what happens when you force someone out of the closet”. I ran to the classroom and grabbed the bottle out of the cabinet and I was about to open it and swallow them whole when I broke down crying. It was my first melt down since yesterday and it was all coming out at once.

Have you ever cried so hard you thought you would die? That everything was hitting you all at once and you couldn’t handle it? That was me, I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t even function. I was about to open the bottle when Samuel walked in and sat down next to me. If you noticed, I haven’t changed Samuels name, he honestly was one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. He was one of my closest guy friends who knew I was gay and honestly didn’t care, he accepted me for who I was and for that I will never forget that.

Samuel told me he didn’t care and that I should blow off Massachusetts. I asked him how he knew and Samuel told me that Massachusetts told everyone in sight.

That’s when the sadness left and the anger entered. I was going to attack Massachusetts and I didn’t care if I got in trouble. I knew that fucker was on stage and I was going to grab something and I was going to beat the shit out of him in front everyone and God and I didn’t give one fuck. I lost everything already, so I had nothing left to loose.

I got up and ran back into the auditorium and I grabbed a glass bottle and I was standing off the wings of the stage. I remember all I could see was red and I was about to rush at him when I stopped and realized what I was doing. I stopped myself because I knew that if I attacked him, then defiantly everyone would know what happened. It would be a 100 percent possibility that everyone would find out and the rumor would spread like wild fire.

So I didn’t do anything. I simply just stood there. Watched him on stage and realized that he won, he had completely destroyed me. I trusted him and I was stabbed in the back and I was left with the shaking question of who could I trust now days?

I don’t remember much after that, all I remember is going home and taking a huge handful of Benadryl and swallowing them, I know that’s stupid but I didn’t care if I overdosed, I just wanted to get away as soon as possible. I wanted to sleep for as long as I could; if I could sleep then I wouldn’t be awake to deal with everything. Carol and her mother were very worried about me and called me repeatedly till I woke up and answered them. So for that I will always be gracious for their worry and care.

The worst part was that the entire Thanksgiving break I had to deal with all of this alone. I couldn’t tell anyone, not even my best friend in the entire world because I was afraid she would disapprove which I regret feeling till this day. I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone because I would be the biggest hypocrite considering that I had reported Massachusetts for touching me too much and for the complaints I made about him. I would be a liar and a hypocrite and I felt like I was stuck.

When Thanksgiving break ended, I went back to school and tried to pretend none of it happened. I even told Massachusetts that I forgave him so things could be civil and so he would keep his mouth shut. But deep down I knew I would never forgive him. People have asked me why I would forgive Tack and not Massachusetts and here’s why: Massachusetts knew my state of mind and yet he still told. He made promises that he would never tell because he knew I was suicidal and yet he didn’t care, he told anyway. He didn’t care if I died or not, he wanted to gossip and I was the victim of it.

He made me the weakest I’ve ever been and I will never forgive him for that. He is someone that has no thought of other people and what they’re going through, he just wants to be popular and he did it by destroying others around him. I’ve never been pushed that far in my life and the entire year I was trying to get over the betrayal while he laughed and had the time of his life.

Writing this story down has been tough because I’ve only told one other person this story and that was my best friend, and I regret till this day not telling her sooner. But in a way I was about to find out who was there for me and who wasn’t. Carol, her mother, Samuel, and my best friend, they actually cared for me and for that I will never forget that kindness.

But I wanted to tell this story because it needs to be told and this is a prime example of never telling someone’s secret. You never know what it could lead too. I am thankful till this day that I had people to stop me from what I wanted to do, without them I don’t know where I would be. I was willing to throw everything that I worked for away over someone who enjoyed ruining lives. I was willing to lose it all for what? He would never care if I died, he would say “Oh no” and just continue on like nothing happened. The true loser would’ve been me in the end and I’m glad I was stopped every which way.

Yes, I was forced out of the closet and yes it hurt like hell. But I lived through it and I am alive and I am stronger. It’s just sometimes, I wish I could’ve came out in my own way instead of that way. I just hope Massachusetts learns that telling secrets can harm someone, but I highly doubt he will ever learn that lesson.

So Massachusetts, what you did is between you and God, and for that, have fun.