I have spent many hours of my life procrastinating by watching Parks & Rec. If these characters were in college now here is how I think they would react to midterms, I'm not going to lie some of them are actually me.
Leslie Knope: “I’ve slept four hours in the past three days but that’s okay I’ll be fine. I’m just going to eat some more Sweetum’s NutriYum bars and I’m sure I’ll be fine. I just have to write my eight-page river clean-up report, teach a seminar on binder organization, lead the college Democrat’s meeting, create a subcommittee, mentor the model United Nations students, organize a leadership forum, make a photo album for the anniversary of when Ben and I met Li’l Sebastian and bake cookies for Anne. But, all I need are some pancakes to get me through my day. But at least I don’t live in disgusting Eagleton.”
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Ron Swanson: “I do not care about my grades. They do not define me. Future employers care more about the work I can do with my own two hands than letters on a piece of paper. Grades are nonsense made by the government to keep us in place, just another form of the bureaucracy I hate. All a man needs to know is how to kill and cook meat with his bare hands. On job applications I do not even put where I go to school for privacy reasons. No one needs to know anything about my personal information. A vegan asked me for help on our midterm but I would rather work for the federal government than willingly spend time with one of those people.”
Tom Haverford: “My plan is to go to my professor’s office hours the day before the exam and turn on the waterworks. Everyone hates a grown man crying and I plan on making her pity me until she tells me what’s on the test. Then, the day after the exam I bought her a present to soften her up a bit. There’s no problem a little schmoozing can’t fix. Right now all I’m focusing on is how I’m going to treat myself after midterms are over. I’m thinking a full body massage, day at the spa, and new coconut moisturizer I customized to get baby smooth skin.”
Andy Dwyer: “I haven’t even been to class in a few weeks so I’m not even sure if I have any midterms, most classes don't have those right? My professor told me to check for updates on my portal online but I can’t remember my password. I’m hoping that if I wait long enough my password will just come to me. If anything is really important I’m sure someone will tell me about it, I can’t pay all this money and still fail a class, right? I think if I just show up to class I’ll be able to wing it. Whenever I go to class I just fall asleep anyways so I might as well sleep in my room and be comfortable.”
April Ludgate: “Honestly. I hate my classes so much. There’s this annoying blonde girl in my political science class who sits in the front and answers all the questions and talks way more than she needs to. I mean she’s really annoying but I’m friends with her so she’ll give me all the answers. I hate taking tests but I love watching my classmates as they’re taking tests. I like to watch all the happiness and hope they have drain from their faces as they take the test and realize that all their studying was inadequate and they have no hope of passing the test.”
