Every day, I hear about another rape case happening in the United States. The cases have become a hot topic in recent months, and people are outraged by the light sentences given to accused rapists. As a college student, it’s hard to ignore that many of these cases are occurring on college campuses or by students. In the media, the rapist is often described as being a great student or an accomplished athlete. He goes to court and receives a slap on the wrist that brings shame to the justice system and leaves onlookers across the country scratching their heads. It's been especially hard to stay calm in the wake of rape cases lately, as earlier this semester at the College of Charleston a student was raped by a member of a campus fraternity.
Hearing about case after case of the same, horrific crime is emotionally deteriorating. Not only do these cases cause men and women to lose faith in society and our justice system, they cause fear. (I acknowledge that men can also be victims of rape, but in light of recent events I will be focusing on male rapists and female victims in this article.)
As a young woman, I was taught basic rules that all women stick to: never walk on a poorly lit street, never leave your drink alone, carry pepper spray with you, don't walk home alone, don’t wear certain clothing unless you’re prepared to receive unwanted verbal and physical attention and don’t make eye contact while receiving this attention (because, apparently, that means you want it). We are given guidelines that we need to abide by in order to maintain control over what happens to our own bodies.
The solution to this backwards thinking starts at a young age. Instead of teaching women how to not get raped, we need to teach boys not to rape. From a young age, boys should be taught that women are not sexual objects. We need to teach our sons about love and respect for women before we teach them sex education.
It’s important that boys have female role models and see women in positions of power. This will instill in them the truth that men and women are equal. Too often the media, and people as well express that women only exist to be pleasing to men. We need to do everything we can to counteract these regressive thoughts.
Teach your son that girls can wear whatever they want, just as boys can wear whatever they want. Teach them that on a hot day, a girl might wear a tank top, and that’s understandable. School dress codes enforce that young girls cover themselves so that boys don’t get distracted, and this only further perpetuates rape culture. It defines young girls solely as objects of sexual desire and teaches them that it is their responsibility to keep the sexual urges of boys under control. We are teaching young girls not to be “tempting.” Furthermore, this mindset teaches boys that the world (women specifically) will bend to accommodate them and their sexual urges.
Instead, we need to teach young boys to control their “sexual urges,” and the first step is teaching them love and respect. If they respect women instead of seeing them purely as sexual objects, the self-control will follow. The greatest way to teach children is through actions. A parent’s influence on a child is crucial, and the values they learn at a young age stick with them for the rest of their lives. So, teach your son self-control. Teach him that he will not always get what he wants and that this is a part of life. Teach him to take responsibility for his actions.
This brings me to my next piece of advice: stop blaming the woman.
At the appropriate age, boys should be taught that unless a woman verbally and clearly gives consent, there is no consent. Clearly, in the now famous Brock Turner case, it was impossible for the woman to give consent because she was unconscious. However, it is also always impossible for a woman to give consent if she is drunk. Even if she verbally slurs the word “yes,” the consent does not exist because her judgement is impaired. Being drunk is not an excuse for rape. Plenty of people get drunk every day, and the majority of them are not rapists. Rape is caused by rapists, not alcohol or a short skirt.
What we learn as children shapes who we become as adults. If we love our sons and teach them to respect girls and women, we have a shot at creating a future where sexual assault is a nightmare of the past. Or, at least, we could create a world where rape is a rare occurrence and not a common news story. Teach your children that women are smart, that they can wear what they want, and that consent only exists in the form of a sober “yes.” Our sons need to learn not to rape, and our daughters need to learn that they are so much more than objects of desire.
