I'm guessing at some point in your life you've broken a concept down to its bare essentials. Sometimes it's really entertaining to do, like hockey, for instance. It's two teams of people with sticks on ice running around with blades on their feet trying to get a tiny little thing into a goal. Hi-larious. Other times, it's not as fun to do. It's actually really weird to think about. Then you have to deal with the fact that this is a naturally occurring thing, it happens all the time. Why have people not noticed how strange this is? The concept that I have been dealing with for the past few minutes is parenting.

It's two people, they get a kid—biologically, adopted, foster kid, whatever—and then they just protect it. They wait for it to get past most of its stupid tendencies and grow into a real person, and then that person gets another kid and repeats the process. I don't know about you but that's pretty hilarious and absolutely bizarre. How thoughtful, you know?

Of course, these parents have plans for the kid, become a doctor, whatever. At the same time though, they respect the child's choices to be a complete moron. Be goth for three months and drop it, take up the oboe, contemplate moving to Tokyo without any knowledge of the Japanese language... parents will let any stupidity run its natural course.

Like any person who enjoys slapstick comedy, one would be compelled to let the child continue in this self-destructive way. However, parents can see when things have gone far enough, and when exactly to reign their kid back into reality. Not even in an aggressive way, just a "Stop it, you'll thank me later" kind of way. Most of the time, you'll even be compelled to thank them later.

Parents have their downside in the eyes of kids, too. Too controlling, too strict, yada yada, but at the end of the day, they are pretty okay, all things considered. Just looking out and hoping for the best.

That said, I really don't understand when people say that their parents are their best friends. That's always a little weird. Like if I met my mom and dad at a party, I don't think we'd hit it off very well. They're very nice people, of course, I love them, and I owe them so much, but I definitely wouldn't say we're friends. In the wise words of John Mulaney: "Don't get me wrong, my parents love us. They just didn't like us."

Your parents will always be looking out for you, calling you out, bragging about you to their friends while talking smack right to your face. They're the best. Extremely supportive when they need to be and the best devil's advocate when it counts. The best life coaches on Earth.

To wrap back up to my initial statement, the kid eventually becomes a parent, too, if they want to. Isn't that crazy? Letting this absolute buffoon raise a kid? However, it's important to remember that your parents were probably just as terrified, the very same buffoons, and you turned out pretty okay. So really, what could go wrong?