To Paranoia, The Monster That Drives My Anxiety, You Will Not Win | The Odyssey Online
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Health and Wellness

To Paranoia, The Monster That Drives My Anxiety, You Will Not Win

Do you not understand? You are not me.

Andy Snow
Jan 20, 2018
Washington State University
104
To Paranoia, The Monster That Drives My Anxiety, You Will Not Win
Unsplash

You are the reason I get nervous. You cause my overthinking. You make me paranoid with the thought of you returning. Your judgment is the pressure that makes me impulsive.

Judge me. That's what you do best, isn't it?

Judge me for my flaws. For my mistakes. Judge me for the decisions I make, I promise you don’t agree with them. Judge me for not having my life together; because apparently, you do. Judge me for every time I decide to stay quiet.

You are not me. You pretend to be living in my head. I can’t express it enough, nor can I explain it in enough words. You are not me.

Judge me for asking a million questions, I'm hoping your answer is not the same as the past 24 times I’ve asked. Do you think I want this life? The one that causes excruciating pain which I’ve come to tolerate? To live a life without you is a luxury.

Some may call you paranoia, but I consider you a monster that stays with me with every choice I make.

You make me second guess the things I want most and give me reasons to hold back. You are the reason my new years' resolutions fail. The reason I change the answers on my exams from what I originally put to what you tell me I should put instead.

I'm trying to shake you, and I’ve tried it all. Medication, exercise, naps, essential oils, everything, and yet you never leave. I've had doctors tell me I should see a therapist so I can learn how to live without you breathing down my neck.

If I had the option, I would rather forget about you completely rather than suffer with the overthinking.

Hopefully, sometime soon I will find a way to forget you completely.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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