When was the last time you went to a family reunion, women’s brunch, church service, or other such function when the older members of the group asked about your love life? If you’re anything like me, it isn’t a distant memory. As millennials, or even as older adults, our love live dictates how we’re seen by the general public. Our success is more highly ranked by the last date we were on than what goals we have achieved and the ambition we have to achieve more. In certain communities, if you don’t have a significant other, you’re considered somewhat of a failure to society. In the Christian community, many of us are told to guard our hearts for at least sixteen years and then if you don’t find someone within a few years, you’re not doing a good job at life. That may seem harsh but to an eighteen-year-old Christian female who has never dated another human being in her life, it’s simply reality.

Society places a huge emphasis on our relationships. We have hashtags like #relationshipgoals to draw attention to the “perfection” that only couples can achieve. As publicized as this social media phenom is, it’s far from necessary and even farther from the truth. As young, impressionable people we see life as this huge thing we have to accomplish. When we fail to fulfill the seemingly basic goal of a romantic relationship, we feel empty.

However, the idea that our worth is placed completely in the people who call us their own is paradoxical because we’re taught that individuality is incredibly valuable. We teach children for a long time that they don’t need someone to complete them. We need to be bold, stand out, travel the world, be successful, learn to be independent - OH, but you still need a significant other. If you don’t have one, you’re not attractive enough, you’re a prude, etc. etc. In terms of being single versus being in a relationship, there is no winning. If you’re in a relationship, you need to realize that you don’t need this person and you are an independent human being. If you’re not in a relationship, you’re failing at life and need to up your game.

Why is this the problem we’re throwing at people of all ages? This isn’t merely a problem for the youth of our generation, this is a problem for anyone who is struggling with their relationship status. This paradox is harmful, because happiness and love are the ultimate goals, not whether or not you change your Facebook relationship status. We’re teaching people that their value is tentative and shaky. Either way, you’re losing. We need to change out lesson plan because there are no certainties and we cannot make two generalizations that contradict each other.

We are more than our relationship status, but we are not more or less of people if we’re in a relationship.