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Paradox

I am a paradox.

Leah Perrino
Jan 30, 2018
San Jose State University
1.1k
Paradox
Leah Perrino

I am outgoing but cripplingly shy.
I am excessively loud but painstakingly quiet.
I am full of happiness but overcome with sadness.
I am full of confidence but never feel good enough.
I know I am enough but I never feel complete.
I am a paradox.

I never know how to find the words to explain what I am feeling.
My thoughts race around in my head like race cars zooming around a track.
I constantly justify my feelings to myself and my words to others around me.
Is this OK to feel? Was that OK to say out loud.
Most of the time I question my every move.
Did I say the wrong thing? Talk too loud? Laugh too loud? Walk too fast?
I never know what I am doing and I never know if it is right.
I am a paradox.

Thoughts of the day keep me up at night.
Did I really have a good day or am I just pretending?
Am I really happy with my body or am I fooling myself?
I wonder what my true thoughts are and what has been placed inside my brain for me to believe.
I hope I find the right answer.
I guess I will never know.
I am a paradox.

I wonder what life would be like to feel things only superficially.
To let things roll of my shoulders instead of thinking about them for hours at a time.
I convince myself that I am fine, no one thinks I'm crazy.
But I lie awake at midnight and my mind begs to differ.
I am a paradox.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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