Anxiety and panic are two of the worst human emotions to feel. There are so many different levels of anxiety and it can affect people in different ways. I’ve suffered from panic/anxiety attacks for about three years now. I don’t exactly remember when they started, but I do remember having them both at school and at home. Even some of the people closest to me struggle to understand exactly how anxiety affects me, it's okay. I've accepted that not everyone can understand this unless someone has been through a panic attack themselves. Over the past year, I’ve paid more attention to my own mental health issues than I ever have before because I’ve realized how important it is and how much of a huge part of me this is. I'm willing to be more honest about this so I can hopefully help someone else out.
What exactly is a panic attack?
For me, it’s wanting to push your way through to the nearest exit, the whole room shrinking down around you and everybody staring at you and judging you. Your heart pounds and you can't breathe.
In a split second, without you anticipating it, or knowing it’s going to happen, your body releases adrenaline. This adrenaline is released as your body is preparing for “flight or fight”. Something our brain is programmed to do in a life or death situation. You need adrenaline for a fight in order to be strong, and you need adrenaline for flight, in order to run fast and get away. I had people tell me, "It's all in your head", do you honestly think that I would want to feel this way?
What happens during a panic attack?
This is the way I like to describe it:
Your brain remembers everything about you, your memories, the things you’ve learned, etc. Imagine every panic attack you have you remember where you had it, what happened, who you were with, what you were doing, what you were eating, what you were drinking, what you were thinking, what was said, every small detail. When you re-enter the same place, with the same people, or doing the same thing that memory unlocks in your brain and causes a panic attack.
What helps me?
Slow, deep breathing.
If I’m with someone, I need them to stay quiet. I can’t handle anyone talking to me, trying to distract me, or working me up. At the time of a panic attack, I don’t need someone highlighting the fact that I’m panicking. It’s nice to know someone is with you, but If I’m having a panic attack, I’m already hearing everything ten times louder and need to try and calm myself down. You also don’t have a lot of energy to speak, as any energy you do have, is being used everywhere else.
I also write and play the piano to let my emotions pour out of me. Changing my anxiety and frustration into art is like literally lifting a weight off of my shoulders. But I don't do the things that help me nearly as much as I should; mainly because I feel like there isn't enough time during the day. I have a very bad habit of keeping all of my feelings inside of me until one day I just burst. And then my anxiety and panic attacks are 10x worse because I wasn't focusing on myself much to begin with.
You are not alone; panic attacks and anxiety are VERY common. Don’t let your attacks ruin your confidence or your self-esteem. You are an amazing person, so don’t change anything about yourself okay? You CAN stop your thoughts before something happens. You and your health are far more important than keeping someone else happy. STAY STRONG!
