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5 Things You Will only Understand if You're the 'Pale Friend' in the Summertime

Still waiting on an instagram filter that makes me look more tan than my friends in the same photo.

Halley Luby

Jul 19, 2018

University of Michigan

377

Instagram

1. Constantly being used as a human baseline for your friends' tans

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I cannot tell you the number of times a friend/ family member/ random stranger has come up to me and compared their tan forearm to mine, commenting on the contrast of our skin tones. As if I hadn't noticed that I'm pale before. Thank you.

2. Being the only one to bring sunscreen to a beach day

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Nothing quite like getting all the way to the beach, only to find that you forgot your sunscreen, and all of your friends only brought tanning oil. I've learned the hard way that trying to keep up laying on the beach is not an option without at least SPF 30 by your side. You may feel like an idiot reapplying every 20 minutes, but deep down you know that it is a much better option than the alternative.

3. A high UV is an excuse to stay in, not go out

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When your friends hear that the UV index is 9 they all flock to the nearest beach, but you know anything above 6 and you might as well stay in bed all day.

4. Self-tanner is a mistake waiting to happen

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Seems like the perfect solution to your problem right?... Wrong. I have yet to find any brand of self tanner that doesn't leave me looking like Ross circa season 10 episode 3 of "Friends" when he forgot to turn around in the spray tan booth.

5. Sunburns

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May seem like the most obvious one, but my tan friends will never understand the pain of a truly horrible sunburn. You can't move, sleep, eat or breathe without feeling like your whole body is on fire. Yet somehow, I've found sunburns to be like the hangover of the pale beachgoer. Not sure how many times I've said the phrase "I'm never going out in the sun like that again", but give me three days and some aloe vera and I'm back at the beach telling myself that I probably don't need to bring my floppy hat or umbrella.

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5 Things You Will only Understand if You're the 'Pale Friend' in the Summertime

Still waiting on an instagram filter that makes me look more tan than my friends in the same photo.

In This Article:

1. Constantly being used as a human baseline for your friends' tans

2. Being the only one to bring sunscreen to a beach day

3. A high UV is an excuse to stay in, not go out

4. Self-tanner is a mistake waiting to happen

5. Sunburns

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All names should be "unisex names."

1. Communicating via email can be awkward.

2. Appointments usually accompany weird looks.

3. Introducing yourself to someone is never without a hitch.

4. You’ve probably thought about changing your name.

5. You’re often asked why you have the name you do.

6. You get excited when you meet someone of your gender with your name.

7. You feel awkward when you meet someone of the opposite gender with your name.

8. You’ve had someone say to you, “I knew a [your name], but they were [your opposite gender].”

9. You’ve heard a bad joke/pick-up line or two about your name before.

10. People are surprised when they see you.

11. You’re extra sensitive to other unique or unisex names.

12. You’ve fought with your parents about it.

13. All things considered, you’re happy your name makes you unique.

You know that all of these things apply to you. You'll just never tell.

I get it... I'm pale.

1. At least I can't lose you in a crowd!

2. Oh my goodness your skin is like glow-in-the-dark.

3. Can't you just get fake tan?

4. Do you tan or just burn?

5. Your kids are going to look like Casper the Friendly Ghost!

6. *holds arm against your arm* Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. *holds pale arm against another pale arm* Aw, at least you're darker than her!

8. I laid out by the pool almost every day over break!

9. I haven't used sunscreen since I was, like, five.

10. *adjusts selfie lighting to their face* Oops, where'd you go??

11. *after working out* Your face is SO red!

12. *wears white* Look! You're all one color!

13. You need to get some sun.

14. Aren't you excited for summer?

The struggle bus is real.

1. Child prodigies:

2. Hearing other musicians in the practice room next door and accepting that you will never be as talented as them:

3. That anxiety that takes over before every performance:

4. Taking a million 0 credit classes:

5. When there's a paper due the next day, but you have to attend yet another concert in order to pass a 0 credit class:

6. When your friends try to encourage you after a performance, even though you are criticizing everything in your mind:

7. Knowing that there's always that one professor during juries:

8. The oh-so-attractive band/choir uniforms:

9. Realizing that a college campus is maybe not the best atmosphere to finish your latest composition:

10. Hearing "Oh, you sing opera? I LOVE Phantom of the Opera!" for the hundredth time:

11. When people think finals week is a breeze for you.

12. When you're drowning in the stress that comes with 18+ credits (and not to mention all those 0 credit classes) and people ask you how you are:

13. When it all comes down to it, though, you know that at the end of the day, music is your passion:

Because you need it in your life.

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6. holds arm against your arm Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. holds pale arm against another pale arm Aw, at least you're darker than her!

10. adjusts selfie lighting to their face Oops, where'd you go??

11. after working out Your face is SO red!

12. wears white Look! You're all one color!