Some girls spend their entire lives doing pageants, and so comparatively my four years in them seem insignificant. However, I could not have gained more skills in that amount of time from anywhere else. Pageants are a divisive topic today, with people either being in support of their success or their failure. Those who have never walked that stage only sees what happens on the stage.
That is merely at face value. A person who never competes can never understand the bonding that happens behind that stage, in line for an interview or when all hands are held awaiting crowning. I created lifetime relations with my sister queens that I could never replace. Everyone sees a competition between girls, but there is not a negative thought in a girl's head as a fellow queen takes the stage. At that moment, there is nothing but encouragement.
The pageant I spent the most time it gave me my most treasured memories, as well. It teaches more poise and self-respect than any organization I've ever been a part of. There is no bad blood and animosity between contestants and it practices dignity. The national director makes sure to tell every year's queens that no matter who leaves that week with the new crown, that does not change the fact that we all had to be queens to make it to that point.
That is a big piece of encouragement when you are at an event you've been working towards for months. I never thought I would value pageants the way I did when I first started. But I do. They hold a special place in my heart and I know I'll want to continue in them someday.
The decision to begin pageants was a difficult one for me to make, though. I had been through a lot in the years prior. I was bullied during my eighth-grade year and their words followed me into freshman year. I did not find myself beautiful, I was not confident in the clothes I wore and I never thought I was cut out to be a beauty queen. When I was talked into it, I thought I could get scholarship money, I never envisioned I would enjoy it. I enjoyed theatre and doing UIL Academics, not walking around in a gown I felt awkward in. The judges obviously thought I wasn't as awkward when I walked away with a crown and sash that day.
I know that winning feels great and winning doesn't, but in pageants, you learn that as long as you leave it all on the stage, there is nothing to be sad about. Even if I didn't win a crown at a pageant, I knew that I was a better person for just having the confidence to perform. I never question my self-worth or appearance when I don't walk away with a title because I understand that it is objective. Not everyone can win, but just to participate makes it worth it.
Pageants are unlike any sport, art or academic event. It takes its toll, but in the end, you come out of it poised and strong. It emphasizes to girls at a young age that beauty isn't everything, it's about grace and who you are on the inside. I might have hung up my heels for awhile, but I have honestly been itching to take the stage again. There is still too much to learn and more bonds to form to have retired from my crown before I've turned twenty.
