If you're like most people, words hurt. Especially those said by others about you. In your heart you know things may not be true, but your mind is constantly spinning and convincing you that maybe they're right. Maybe you are ugly. Maybe you are stupid. Maybe there is something wrong with you. But, maybe there's not. Maybe hurting people hurt people.
I've been wrestling with something that someone said to me for a few weeks now. I was told that my need for routine scared them. I have spent day after day beating myself up over this. How will someone ever love me if I'm so screwed up? Am I going to live every day for the rest of my life like a hamster on a wheel? Every man will either be scared away, or get bored. So, I've been practicing being spontaneous. I considered dyeing my hair. I do things by myself now that I never would have before. Maybe I do just need to 'live a little'. If I change who I am, I'll be fixed and someone will love me.
I enjoy routine because I see the need for it. If I don't routinely eat the right food, my body feels like garbage and I gain weight. If I don't routinely listen to the right music, my mind is filled with hatred and slander. If I don't go to church every Sunday, I fall off the wagon during the week. I have lost almost 70 lbs in one year through routine. I have pulled myself out of terrible situations through routine. I have worked my way up from intern to full time staff through routine.
Then I had a revelation, there is nothing wrong with me! The reality is, that person isn't scared of my need for routine, they're scared of my desire to be consistent. They're scared because their life is such a mess, that they want to jump from one thing to the next so they don't have to face the same thing over again. They can't handle the fact that when I believe in something, I am going to go through the mundane, monotonous steps to make it happen. I don't give up on things. I am passionate. I don't believe that it's okay to cut corners. If you're going to do something, do it 100%, fully committed.
Now there are probably some things in my life that can have some wiggle room, but at the end of the day I would rather be true to myself, focus on my goals and work towards achieving them. I am not any less worthy of someone loving me because of something someone said. People say dumb things. People speak before they process things. Take things with a grain of salt and flip the script. Turn those negative comments into thoughts about your positive qualities. There is so much of you to love and the right person is going to treat you with the respect, care, and love that you truly deserve.
