'You need to lose weight.'
'Just stop eating.'
'Why are you eating, AGAIN?'
'What did you eat today & don't lie to me?'
If I was asked all of those questions once, I was asked 100 times. Growing up the 'fat kid' was never easy. I had to work twice as hard to not gain a pound but one day it all caught up to me.
I was my worst critic. I would stand in front of the mirror everyday and pick my body apart. I hated taking pictures with my friends because I thought I stuck out so bad for being bigger than all of them. I constantly thought everybody was talking about me and the way I looked or that my weight was the reason why some of the guys I liked didn't like me back.
At 16 years old all of it came to a head. I didn't know what else to do beside try to take control of my body the only way I knew how too and that was hurting my body. Every single day I would lie about every little thing that I ate, good or bad. I would make myself sick after almost every meal because to me that was the only way I made sure I wasn't taking in calories. There would be days I where I got really bad and I would spend $20-$30 on fast food, candy, and soda & would sit down, turn on the television, eat it all in one sitting until I felt sick then would spend an hour making myself sick. In my mind it was the only thing that was going to make me skinny. I spend 5 years of my life putting my body through the worst pain in the world.
It took me 5 years to get to a point where I started to love myself. It took me 5 years to finally let the man that was in my life truly love me for me. Now, at 25 years old, I am finally doing something for my body the right way. I over came bulimia because I knew I had too for myself, my health and my future.
One month ago I made the decision to make changes for me, not because someone was telling me to do it but for myself. I am taking this journey head on. Weight loss surgery is not the easy way out. It is a lot of work and will continue to be a lot of work for the rest of my life but I am so beyond ready for this surgery.
Bottom line is, at the end of the day no matter what you do in life you have to do it for yourself. To make you better. Whether it is over coming an eating disorder, addiction, anxiety, or depression, you had to make the right healthy changes and make you the best you that you can be.
'Perhaps I am stronger than I think.' -Thomas Merton
