Have you ever felt alone? Have you ever felt this wave of sadness and all you feel is numbness? No emotions, just an empty soul? People have their own definition of depression, but for me, depression is a deep dark emotion that sucks the life out of you. You're in this bubble where all you can think about is yourself and wonder why you are like this. You think everyone is against you and not for you.

2011-2013 was one of the most deepest, darkest era's of my life. People laughed at me, judged me for every little thing, said I wasn't good enough, issues at home and I just took it all in. I started eating less, sleeping more or less, depending on how I felt. I started talking about my feelings on social media and opened up about my depression. I felt like the internet was the only place I could open up to and state my feelings and opinions. But instead people commented on my status's telling me to calm down and one of my friends actually called me to tell me that it wasn't worth it and that I'll be alright.

Being so young, people thought I was being ridiculous. I had one good friend at school that cared for me and understood how I felt. I started getting into the habit of self harming and eventually got caught in class on accident. I was already upset and someone called my name and I responded "WHAT?" and raised my arm, later realizing what I had done to myself was exposed. People gasped, I was so embarrassed and everyone was so shocked. Someone told the teacher and she took me out into the hallway and asked me why was I doing this and I was so much better than that, but a few minutes later, she sent me to the assistant principle/school counselor.

Me and the assistant principle had a long talk. She asked why I was doing this to myself, what's making me do this and what I could do to help myself. I was later suspended from school until I calmed down or got some type of help. From there, I knew my life was at a crossroad. My parents found out, eventually others around the school knew what was going on and what happened. Some people felt sorry for me and tried or wanted to help, some thought I was an attention seeker and some thought I was just mentally ill. I felt so ashamed cause my secret stress reliever became public. One night I cried so hard, I didn't know what to do, so I decided right there to end it, but something in me just couldn't die, even though I wanted to, I just couldn't. So I just kept living with the pain and doubt.

One Friday night, during my basketball game, I sat on the bench after playing for a while and I felt something run down my lower arm. I thought it was sweat until I looked down and saw that one of my scars had re-opened after a week of trying to heal. I got hit by someone on the other team while we were both in the air trying to get the ball. I wiped it off and kept playing. After that game, on the way home I realized that causing this type of pain to myself wasn't worth it. It was causing pain to myself and others so I figured it was time to make a change. I also had twitter friends to talk to and help me through this process, even though some people didn't care, know me, thought it was for attention, or was simply annoyed with my ranting. I had celebrities like Kendall Schmidt from Heffron Drive and Big Time Rush to lean on or to listen to when I got sad, people even made fun of me for that and made fun of other people I liked and listened to. Shoutout to Kendall, he's helped me a lot through the years, from sending Twitter messages to me with advice or an "I love you" to the personal videos my friends have gotten me. Thank you for being a life changer and thank you to the friends who got me those videos.

After talks with my parents, friends, and school counselor about this era of depression, I gave everything a deep thought and started realizing my worth, no matter how many people tried to tear me down. But at the same time, with all the support I've gotten throughout the years, even the hate, I finally realized that it's okay not to be okay, it's okay to feel broken. Nobody's perfect but you should never be ashamed of your depression, your sadness, or your past; if anything, it's best to let it all out then to hold everything in. On December 31st 2014, I made the decision to stop self harming, throw away the things I used, get rid of toxic people in my life and make a commitment to better myself and to solve my problems differently then hurting myself. I am now currently 3 years clean. I keep the same commitment every new years eve.

Through the years, I became more positive. I started writing out my feelings and it felt so much better to have all my feelings down on paper. I wrote stories about my depression or depression in general, love stories or poems; anything that came to mind. I remember being in the locker room during gym class and my friend Nika saw my depression stories and gave me this deep talk, saying that I shouldn't be writing things like this and that I'm so much better than what people say. I listened to her and took in her advice and told her that this is the best way to get my feelings out so I'm going to keep writing.

While I was in 6th grade, my teacher assigned us different writing topics each day. I became more and more interested in sharing my thoughts as the year went on. My 7th-11th grade English teacher always had us writing as well. She would proofread a poetry assignment she gave us until we got it right. She expanded my love for writing and teached us how to think outside the box and think deeply. She gave us a picture of a desert and told us to write a sentence or two about it, and all I could think about was my depression and that my life was just as dry and empty as a desert. Up to this day, I thank Mrs Moreno for giving me the courage to keep writing and doing poems as well.

Another stress reliever I had was basketball. I've been loving that sport since 4th grade. Playing games in P.E. or playing real games made me feel complete. Basketball got rid of a lot of stress. Even though sometimes I did something on the court I didn't like, the team didn't like, or the fans didn't like, I still pushed through it, win or lose or however many points I scored. Currently I am not an athlete anymore, I stopped after my junior year because I went to a public school and something just didn't feel right after a few practices and workouts with my new team, I wasn't with my old team that I had been with for years, I was focused on music and writing and I felt like it was time to focus on what I was loving at the time. I even tried track and field for a month, and it just wasn't fitting well either. In all honesty, I miss basketball. Shoutout to the game of basketball; You've taught me so much about life, to keep pushing myself and to never give up even if my mind and body feels like it has nothing left to give.

This is what I encourage you all to do. When you're stressed, depressed, lonely or living in fear, do something that you love or enjoy. Whether it's writing your thoughts down, doing sports, going for a jog or walk, talking to friends, listening to music, drawing, etc. Just do it, It'll make you feel so much better. Also; get help. People think they are going to get judged or get called crazy if they get help or have someone to help them whether it be a therapist, counselor, family member or friend, there is NOTHING wrong with getting help or doing things to better yourself. There are four slogans/sayings that I currently use in my daily life and I wanted to give them to you all. They are inspired from my favorite actors from the CW show "Supernatural"; Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles, and Misha Collins. I want to thank the SPN Family for being the most awesome and caring television fan base I've ever been in, and I never get addicted or obsessed with TV shows as much. You guys are amazing.

Jared has a campaign called "Always Keep Fighting" and in the midst of each AKF campaign he teaches us how we can all keep fighting, things such as loving yourself first and realizing that you are enough. Jensen and Misha did a campaign called "You Are Not Alone" and it taught us that no matter how big this world is, or how small we may seem to be or how discouraged or upset we are, we are not alone in this fight. "Always Keep Fighting" "Love Yourself First" "You Are Not Alone" & "I Am Enough". Please remember those four things guys. You are loved, cared for, important and not alone in your battles. Up to this day, I get emotionally tired. I'm always worried about what people think of me. I still have sad, depressing thoughts and say to myself that I don't wanna be here anymore or I'm not enough. I have anxiety attacks and get overwhelmed. But I know that I'm a warrior and will get through it no matter what. If you have anxiety, do things to calm yourself down, slow your breathing down and get yourself back to normal. But I, YOU have an opportunity to be something great in life and change the world. Don't be ashamed of your story. You are a warrior, you will overcome anything life throws in your way. Pain is only temporary.

What's life without making mistakes, being wrong or going through trials? We wouldn't learn lessons that could better ourselves. If someone you know is depressed or thinking about suicide, please try and help them the best way you can, be there for them or reach out to the National Suicide Hotline. Even if its yourself, reach out, do something about it. It's easier said than done and is scary but you will not regret it. As Twenty One Pilots said in their song "Kitchen Sink", "No one else is dealing with your demons, meaning maybe defeating them could be the beginning of your meaning, friend."

Stay strong everyone.