Singing has always been a passion of mine since I was a youngling. I remember when I was five years old, my mom recorded me singing "Are You That Somebody" by Aaliyah. I was at my happiest when I was singing. I knew that singing was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I didn’t care that I wasn’t singing the right notes, that would be something I would work on as I grew up.
My stage fright began when my family and church members visited Hershey Park. There was a recording studio that allowed you to karaoke and make a demo CD. I sang "A Moment Like This" by Kelly Clarkson. I don’t know what came over me but I was so frightened and embarrassed. What if I messed up the notes? As I was singing, this song would be heard all throughout the park. I was scared that I would mess up and these strangers would all laugh at me. My mother was disappointed, to say the least, because she knew that I could overcome this fear. She was disappointed that I was lowering my self-esteem and she didn’t approve.
So, my mother pulled me aside in the studio and she told me that if I didn’t believe in myself now, how can I expect anyone in the park to believe what I am singing? I was no more than 12 years old and I didn’t understand the concept of singing to make people believe. I mean these weren’t my words, they were Kelly Clarkson's and she sang this song with such passion and heart. I felt I was doing this for all the wrong reasons.
However, after that conversation with my mother, I did find my voice, reason, and purpose for singing this song. I thought of my past, my future, and where I was presently and I mustered up all the confidence I lacked and I sang this song with all my heart and soul. I ultimately wanted to make my mom proud, but I also wanted to use my voice and share my pain and my experiences with the people in that park that day.
After the song I went outside to meet my family and my mother was crying. She never heard me sing like that before so I knew that I made her proud. She said it was “perfect” and that I should go look outside. When I did, I saw people standing around smiling and I knew that somewhere I touched their hearts as well. It was a god day and I was happy that I was able to let go of this fear and gain this confidence I had hidden deep within me.
Today, I still sing and I play the guitar. Every time I’m about to perform, I always think back to that day when I was just a scared little girl at Hershey Park, and suddenly I am not afraid anymore.
