Attention students—have you spent the last one-three years selling vital organs to pay for school? But, are you still itching to spend? Do you still have cash to burn? Let us help! Introducing... Over-Priced Textbooks!
Professors shouldn’t have to do all the teaching! If they did, when would they have time for their “research” or “sabbaticals?” That’s why we are now offering 500+ pages of ways you can teach yourself—for the small price of $350 per book!
Over-Priced Textbooks are almost always written by your professor or someone they know personally, but it has nothing to do with the reason they’re a “class requirement." They’re just a good read. Plus, there’s really no possible way a teacher could handle an entire class without the help of words on pages. I mean, it’s not like they have their Ph.D. or anything.
Do you feel like everything is electronic these days? We do too! It seems as if nothing is personal anymore. But don’t fret, because we’re selling the one thing left in the world that hasn’t been fully digitized. How convenient! Why would you need to only bring a computer to class when you could carry two to three 15-pound books around campus? Talk about strengthening those back muscles!
Life is full of handouts—that could be what’s wrong with our generation. That’s why Over-Priced Textbooks aren’t just handed out to you in class, we make you go off-campus to select locations in order to purchase them! Every good thing requires effort. At these book stores, we make sure to always be busy or closed when you can finally make the time to come by. If you do get in, we promise to never have parking and to have at minimum an hour wait. You know what they say, patience builds character! To add an extra layer to the purchasing process, nine out of 10 times all the over-priced textbooks you need won’t be in stock. But, the Over-Priced Textbook family is always willing to help—meaning we will call you you will have to call us once a day and be put on hold in 3-5 days two weeks when your book is available.
Here at Over-Priced Textbooks we want to save you money! So, we will allow you to buy your Over-Priced Textbooks and sell them back at the end of the semester! (Although usually, we’ll tell you that we aren’t buying back the certain over-priced textbook you have at this time!) Or, you can rent an Over-Priced Textbook for a reduced price! A book that was once $250 is now discounted to $245, and you’ll receive a barrage of e-mails and phone calls reminding you to turn them back in at the end of the year! Because we know that if there’s one thing college students love, it’s saving their textbooks as a keepsake! Crazy kids!
One of the best parts about Over-Priced Textbooks is that usually, you won’t use them that much. Sure, the teacher will grade you on whether or not you have them, but you’ll probably only open them once or twice a semester! It’s kind of like putting a bunch of 100 dollar bills in a blender and making a smoothie! Doesn’t that sound like fun?
What’s that? Now that the semester is over you’re trying to look for something to do with all these textbooks? Look no further! Over-Priced Textbooks are great souvenirs you can use to decorate the shelves in your room. Nothing says “cute room on Pinterest” like keepsakes and succulents stacked upon Environment and the New Global Economy! Not re-decorating? You can still keep Over-Priced Textbooks and read them in bed as you unwind after a stressful day. Or save them for years to come and sing the page of chemistry formulas to your newborn baby as you rock it to sleep. And have them ready to pull out from a box in the attic when your future child asks, “Mommy/Daddy what was your favorite book growing up?” Many memories are to be made with Over-Priced Textbooks!
So next time you’re thinking about using a few months’ salary to pay rent or to possibly pay the medical bills of a sick relative, think again! Use your funds to buy an Over-Priced Textbook! You won’t regret it—and if you do, you can dry your eyes with its pages.
