Your hometown will forever hold a place in one's heart. It's what shaped and developed you. It's where your family is. It's your place to trace back to when you're sick or exhausted, or just need a break. It's a perfect vacation spot that's just a phone call away.
All these things are true. I feel deeply for my hometown, but when you get to the point where going back home isn't exactly what you want to do, then that's okay. It's okay to grow up and out of that small town. It's okay to feel like you don't exactly belong anymore because it just means you're on to bigger and better things. You're hometown isn't going anywhere.
When you feel guilty for thinking "I don't want to go home" just remember that it's not anything you did. It's the fact that you're finally comfortable as an independent person. You're figuring life out. Anyone who makes you feel bad for the change you're going through isn't worth the effort to make them happy. You can't please everyone. You have to think of yourself, otherwise you won't be happy.
When you call your apartment 'home'. Whoops! It's the worst thing to say to your parents, no doubt. But you can't help it because your place of comfortability is your new home. Home will always be home but it's okay to have another home. Another place where you can just relax or spend an entire weekend with your best friends who also happen to be your roommates, it's just relieving.
You're changing and that's great! Your life is at school now. Your friends, your classes, your job. You're comfortable, you know the area, and you have variety. As a small town girl you don't experience much variety. You come to a different place and it's absolutely overwhelming at first but when you meet the friends you were destined to meet, you never want to leave. The friends I have here are my rocks, they keep me more grounded than ever and it's because they're going through the same thing. They're also adjusting, they're also there to figure out themselves and what they want in life. The interdependence is apparent and goes both ways.
The friends from home who are there for you and accept your change are the one's you'll remember. Those who you fought with, who made you feel like a bad person for changing, they aren't the one's who are worth it. If they can't accept the person you're becoming then that is their problem not yours. If you think you're the problem, please don't. It does nothing but tear you down and it limits your potential. You won't thrive if you're worrying about what your old friends think of who you're becoming. There's a reason you're changing and it's always going to work out for the better, no matter what kind of obstacle you encounter as you go through this development.
Growing out of it like a pair of jeans is nothing to be ashamed of. I've gone through a patch where I felt myself changing into a more confident person and I lost friends because of it. I just feel that it isn't for me. It's not where I want to settle down, it's not where I want my kids to grow up, although I wouldn't be opposed if it were the last option, I just think that there's more to explore, more to see, more to experience. Feeling bad about the person you're becoming takes a toll on your self-esteem. Anyone who makes you feel bad for the person you are and are becoming isn't worth the stress or mental breakdown. I can't stress that enough. Sometimes you have to be a little selfish and in order to do that for yourself, you can't put your life on pause so that you can please everyone else.
Confidence comes from where you feel most comfortable in your own skin. At school I am a girl who will participate in intramural sports, stay up all night with her roommates just to say we did it to get stuff done. I go to class and meet people every day. I get up and feel good about where I'm at and where I'm headed in life. Nothing is more satisfying than knowing you're doing something with yourself. The confidence comes from me knowing that I can't do any of these things at home. I love home and what it's all about, but this is where I'm finding myself and I couldn't be more excited.
So before you change your plans because you're homesick, or begin to doubt yourself for moving on, take a second to think about what could happen in the future. You could find that you have more going for you at your school than you do at home. You could find a group of people who allow you to have a mental breakdown, who would never judge you. If you ever feel bad about loving your new home, take a second to realize that it's the best thing for you to move on and figure yourself out. Because it is okay! Your hometown isn't going anywhere and it will forever be a part of who you are.