I don't want this to be a typical sob story about my life in a single mother home but, some things need to be recognized here. No my childhood wasn't rough, I didn't live in the ghetto and I didn't live anywhere near a gated community. I did know a thing or two about living in a family of second hand support and struggle between a women and her children. My mother is one of the strongest women I know because of everything she had to go through and what she still goes through today.
My mom had me young about one year or two after she graduated with a bachelors degree and she lived on her own. When I say it was just us, I mean literally us two from the very beginning. I never knew my dad, and I'm still okay with that. I never asked for him because I was blessed with amazing father figures like, my grandfather and all three of my uncles. The times I wondered where my dad was, were the times my mom got sad. I hated those days because as little noise as our tiny household made, it was super quiet.Before my brothers came along, that was one of the two things that was a struggle to see her go through.
Another thing my mom faced when I was younger was her being at work all of the time. No I wasn't neglected she provided and then some, but worked consumed her, and when she came home she felt sad. I noticed this all of the time, but what could I say... I was a kid. I've seen her fall in and out of love and by the time I was nine going on ten, my first brother was born. I couldn't have been more happier! Of course the baby get more attention but I loved the new addition to the family. Did she stay in love? No. This was a new struggle I saw my mom go through but with a new twist: my mom growing through loneliness, sadness and money being tighter than ever. I tried helping out with the baby and I had my moments of being a selfish little girl, I mean who wasn't at the age of 10. Even through all of that, my mom still pushed through and pressed on.
There was one thing that did happen one summer. I went to a church event called "Vacation Bible School," which was like a much longer bible study for kids, but more fun plus food. I went with my grandmother and brother, and I so didn't want to go. It's not like I didn't like church or anything like that, it just used to be a church my mother and I would go to where everyone knew who you were and some family drama. So of course, if you had kids, were not married or the "baby daddy" isn't with you, seemed to be the tea at a freaking church event.
I was very protective of my mom and brother, who ever had anything off the wall to say, lets just say my answer back would be just as off the wall. I just remember someone coming up to me and asking me how my mom was and as I would answer sweetly, then the bomb would drop: "So who is your brother's dad again?" I looked at the lady so crazy because she knew who he was, they attend the same church. I just played it off and answered back sarcastically. After that day I told my mom what happened and she just laughed and shook her head. She pretended like she didn't care but I knew she did. At that moment I realized that she cared what people thought of her. I grew angry at the thought because there is no ghetto baby momma or daddy drama going on. I see why we left that church.
About a few years later, my mom was with someone else and she seemed happy. I was glad because through all the crap she still tried to find her happiness. So I thought. My mom soon got married and we moved. I hated it for about a year; sounds long and it was. I hated being away from the family we had at home, more so my grandmother. I always went to see her. I was secretly mad at my mom for making us move, but that's what gave me the push to write in my diary. There were so many changes in my mom I saw that I can't even number. During the time we lived with her husband, I just remember another little brother added to the family, little laughter, drives around the small city to clear her thoughts and my mom still having to being a single parent. That was a very big emotional roller coaster I have ever seen her bear. I felt helpless at times but being the woman she is, she pressed on and moved us back home.
My mom has never been the same since the day we left. I could see the fact that she had to start back at square one. Getting me back to school, and my brothers in Pre-K and daycare, were super stressful. My mom having to find a job, was the toughest thing to go through with three kids. Of course we had help from my grandmother, grandfather and aunt but, my mom isn't the type to just get hand outs. She never liked asking people for things or anything like that. I was hoping we could live in the house we had before that my mom worked so hard to get for us. And by the grace of God we did. We got the house back but still a bit of adjustment. My mom was happy and settled for now.
Once a year passed by, my mom had to struggle a lot. Three kids by yourself is no joke. By then, my brothers and I were a little bit older, but things didn't always get better. My mom constantly fought to support us and give us a life to live with little to no complaints and she still does to this day. My mom had to go through a lot and at times she would forget to help herself. Now that I'm an adult, I can finally realize just how much of a selfless and strong human being my mom really is. Even if I don't live in her house, she still battles with being alone, having sad days and just wanting some love and genuine support. Her kids love her but I feel like she needs to be rescued in a way. Trust me she can handle anything that comes her way with God on her side.
Everyone needs that mother pep talk so they can be able to bounce back and face the world's ups and downs. With my family being distant and having problems that they think are bigger than others, its hard for my mom to connect and have someone on her side. I'm hoping for change and hoping that my mom will be recognized.
