So Ryan Lochte had a very exciting Olympics this year, as we all know. Not only was he robbed at gunpoint, but his response to the gun pointed at his head was the word "whatever."
Wow.
A lot of people are saying he lied, that what actually happened is hevandalized a store, peed all over it and almost fought an armed security guard.
But why shouldn't we believe a robbery, considering everything else he's said happened in Rio? Here are just a few of the anecdotes Lochte had to tell The Odyssey about his life-altering 2016 Olympics.
1. He ate some bad stew and ended up in the hospital for six years.
2. He and Simone Biles portrayed Troy and Gabriella respectively in the traditional Olympics remake of High School Musical.
3. He caught smallpox, which has been dead since 1977.
4. He went back in time and started the Boston Tea Party.
5. After seeing the Bat-signal over the city sky, Lochte fought the Penguin, who was hanging out in Rio for some reason.
6. He challenged Usain Bolt to a speed race and the combined athleticism of the two caused him to sprout wings and fly.
7. He found Harambe alive and well living in the forest in Brazil. "We're bros now," Lochte told The Odyssey.
8. Donald Trump, after seeing Lochte's Instagram apology, asked Loche to be his campaign manager.
9. He was sorted into Hufflepuff on his pitstop at Hogwarts. "Or was it Slytherclaw?" he frowned as he tried to remember. He needed a break after this story.
10. He also was murdered.
Like legit murdered.
RIP Ryan Lochte.
