They decided to breakup because there was no other solution they could think of. Days, many days passed by, each feeling like a year without a word from the other side. Time. They needed time to go through the roller coaster of emotions to move on.
The Female Side of the Story
The Day of the Breakup (The Dark Era)
Something went wrong. It always does somehow. I am looking at the blurry reflections of myself on the coffee cup. My thoughts are not any clearer than my reflection. "The Hills" by The Weeknd is leaking from the speaker to space. These types of songs always appear in your ears when life feels as solid as a rock. I remember him holding my hand and running down the street yelling, "You will survive! Don't give up! We are so close to the coffee." I remember him hugging me and brushing my hair with his hand while waiting for our order. I would feel loved, safe and calm. Everything I wanted in the world would be right there on his shoulder. I turn my head to see the window from where I sit. I feel relieved when I see that it is still dark outside, and curl into my leather chair even more. I don't want the sun to come out and the city to come alive. I want time to freeze at this moment, right before the sunrise and right after the mist of the night. I want to be myself and away from all the human beings. I want to feel the pain as deep and dark as I can to a point that my brain can't remember anything anymore. To a point that my broken heart cannot ache anymore. To a point that none of my organs function anymore. I feel angry all of a sudden, I feel sad, I feel like ripping off the skin from of my chest. I want this whole shop burnt down to the ground with me in it.
A Week Later (The Self Talk)
Is this a point of no return? Does that mean his lips, his hands, his smell will be moving away slowly to a point that they are not familiar anymore? I feel a grab and twist in my stomach somewhere that I didn't know existed before. But, what if this is not the end and there is a return? Then what? The poison of freedom is always sweeter than the passion of owning and being owned by someone, isn't it? The agony of a breakup comes with an exciting sparkle of a new adventure with it, right? However, the return has no excitement; it is known, and it is boring. The return has a little hope and a dull fire. It is like coming back to a destroyed house that we lived in once and having the plan to build it up to something nicer with our tired bodies. Every brick we lift up in the process gets heavier with the sour memories on it. Yes, the return is challenging and dreadful. I nod while looking at garbage bags flying into the truck in the middle of the night.
A Month Later (The Acceptance)
I need to pick up my remaining stuff from his place, just like we agreed over a couple of dull text messages. The thought of seeing him makes me feel uneasy. I am not even sure how I will fill up the awkward silence (which I am sure there will be one). I wonder if he started seeing someone—"I hope he did," I say to myself while waiting for the elevator door to close. He was not a bad guy at the end of it. I was not such a great girlfriend either. I remember my childish, jealousy, unnecessary arguments and immature comments. I shake my head to all wasted energy and ring the bell. I hope he put everything in a bag, ready to go. I just want to get this over with.
Two Months Later (Back to Life)
—Pick up your dry cleaning
—Call Mom
—Lunch with the BFF
—8 p.m.! It's a date!
The Male Side of the Story
The Day of the Breakup (Back to Life)
I can’t take this anymore. I am angry, sad confused and relieved. Yes, it will be challenging initially, but this is the best for both of us. The good thing is I can play my games and meet with my guy friends whenever I want. I don’t need to remember “important” dates. I don’t have to collect hair from the bathroom floor. I can check out whoever I want without feeling guilty. Ah! There is so much to do in life! Maybe I should climb up to Mount Everest!
A Week Later (Back to the "Game")
It’s not a date, it’s better! There will be no commitment and no drama. The hottie I met at the bar two days ago is coming over to my place. Thanks to my buddies who made me realize I was not that rusty after all, I say while tucking my shirt into my jeans. I throw myself a killer sexy look at the bathroom mirror and walk to the kitchen to open up a bottle of wine. No, I don't miss my ex-girlfriend. I am a mature person and this was a wise move. I hope she finds someone and will be happy.
A Month Later (The Self Talk)
Is this a point of no return? I feel a grab and twist in my stomach somewhere that I didn't know it existed before. She will be here in a minute and I am as strong as an ice cube. Come on! You are a man! She probably will give you those puppy eyes, but you won’t fall for those! I pat myself on the back and open the door feeling as strong as a warrior. My confidence fades away like snow flake on a hot wire as soon as I see her face. The smell of her perfume comes to my nostrils like a known enemy. She looks up and smiles, friendly and warm like she forgot about me. I watch her taking off her jacket and hanging it at the left side of the closet like she always used to do. I miss her…
Two Months Later (The Dark Thoughts)
The city is waking up. I look at my phone and see no calls or messages. I don't think anybody is awake at this hour, including her. I feel frustrated, I feel sad. I have so many sentences spinning in my head that start with "I wish..." I watch a garbage truck move slowly, take a deep breath and start walking into the darkness of the dawn.
