As we get closer and closer to November, sane Americans are becoming more and more terrified by the idea that Donald Trump could actually become the president of the United States of America. I'm not really sure what the appeal is. Is it his freakishly small hands? His toupee-like hair? We all know it can't be his ideas (I mean, come on, he can't even keep his businesses from going bankrupt, which was the only thing he really had going for him) so what is it? I have decided that it's his color. His orange tint is alluring and interesting, and something we've never really seen in a presidential campaign. Sure, we've seen some fake tans and some extra powder, but Trump is impressively orange. So, for all of you who think it's endearing, I propose 50 orange things that would be a better president than Donald Trump.
1. A Goldfish
2. Garfield
3. The Annoying Orange
4. The Burning Fires of Hell
Which is, coincidentally, where most of us would end up according to Trump's beliefs.
5. An Oompa Loompa
6. Candy Corn
7. A Single Can Of Fanta
8. Snooki
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9. Tabby Cats
10. My Hair Whenever I Try To Dye It Blonde Myself
Okay, so maybe it's never that bad but it always feels that way.
11. Diced Cantaloupe
12. A Traffic Cone
At least the traffic cone has the ability to reflect upon things.
13. This Crunchy Leaf That No One Can Resist Stepping On
14. Doritos
15. Ernie (Feel The Ern)
16. Goldfish (the snack)
17. The Home Depot
Almost every child's nightmare come to life-- much like a Trump presidency.
18. Mac and Cheese
19. Creamsicles
20. A Monarch Butterfly
21. The Golden Gate Bridge
22. Beeker the Muppet
The face we'll all be making if Donald Trump wins in November.
23. A Clownfish
24. The Cheapest Orange Nail Polish At CV
We all know this nail polish. It's $1.99, but it takes at least five coats for it to look nice.
25. Ed Sheeran
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Look at him! He's just... orange. And he's a sweetie, so he'd make a great president
26. Frank Ocean's "Channel Orange"
27. Dried Apricots
28. A Tiger Lily
29. Orange Juice With Extra Pulp
30. A Dunkin' Donuts Straw
Just the straw though
31. Sweet Potato Fries
32. Tony The Tiger
33. A Cat In A Tiger Hat
This cat is done with everything, but still would be a safer option than Donald Trump.
34. An Actual Tiger
35. The Rind of Muenster Cheese
36. Just The Orange Reese's Pieces
37. Cheez-Its
38. Mars
39. A Rotten Pumpkin
40. A Prescription Bottle
41. A Convict In An Orange Jumpsuit
42. Carrots
43. The Sun
At least with the sun we know we'd burst into flames. With Trump we just don't know.
44. A Pumpkin Spice Latte
Every basic person's dream.
45. An Orange Slice
46. A No. 2 Pencil
Even if the lead broke inside, making it so that every time you try to write you lose the point -- much like we all lose IQ points whenever we listen to Donald Trump speak.
47. Tang
This is the actual worst drink ever but would still be better at foreign affairs than Trump.
48. Cheetos
49. A Circus Peanut
50. An Orange Peel
