We all know what they are and we have all seen them. Literally everywhere. The Birkscalypse has emerged from Germany and spread like the plague. But if you don't own a pair of Birks we all know why; you think they are awful. Time and time again, us Birksians hear these outlandish voices opinions in vocal and non vocal forms

Yes, hello woman across the mall who is staring at my feet. I know what I am wearing down there. Thank you for your attention. No, they are not ugly. They are quite fashionable and very comfortable. I'll never see you in the same foot and ankle specialists office because my feet are throwing smiley faces while yours throw shade.

Yes, hello sir. Thank you for telling me that I'm dressed like a grandma for being so young. Maybe I like being a grandma. Grandmas are cool, unlike you who can't appreciate a great shoe when you see one.

Yes, hello mother. No I will not buy another pair of sandals as long as my Birks are alive. I might as well just buy more Birks. While the price tag may be a little crazy for a poor college student like me, it's every penny worth for the longevity of the shoe and hippie vibe I am giving off.

Yes, hello my darling boyfriend. I know you don't like them but I know that you love me unconditionally and with your whole heart. Of course, this also means you love my Birks unconditionally and with your whole heart. My Birks will outlive your Vans and I will still be the one walking fabulously and unaided at 95 while I push you in your wheelchair because your footwear has failed you.

Yes, hello my lovely Birks. Your hippie grandma is home.

Your opinion of my Birks will never matter to me because my Birks are me and I am my Birks. Your opinions will never affect me because, quite frankly, I ignore them. If you care so much, I surely have to ask you why. My feet are my body and my body is mine. My feet don't care for your opinion either.