Humanity’s strong point is not planning. Examples of this shortcoming are to be found in nearly every aspect of society - our inability to adapt to global warming, the propensity of teen pregnancy, Comms majors: all results of our species’ complete inability to properly think ahead.

In no situation is this more clear than in the bathrooms of frat houses and dive bars across the planet, where one is most likely to find the most heinous of men’s bathroom designs: those sporting only a urinal and a single, stall-less toilet (or worse yet, multiple toilets).

What’s the point? Are you expected to greet visitors mid-shit, so long as they only need to go number one? Are some people incapable of urinating whilst sitting, necessitating the need for a urinal? Am I not supposed to pee in a regular toilet? Worst of all, these bathrooms almost never have a lock on the door, dooming the public pooper to a constant state of anxiety and paranoia mid-defecation, withholding from them the cherished human pastime of a peaceful poop. I’m not sure which is worse, peeing next to someone taking a dump, or vice-versa. Then again, does it really matter? There is no possible explanation for this bathroom design concept.

In a normal restroom, urinals hold purpose: providing those who need only to urinate with an option, thereby reducing demand for a full-size toilet. But this is dependent upon the presence of a stall, a physical and visual barrier of some sort. Sure, everyone poops, but that doesn’t mean I want to watch someone do it. Besides, poop time is a special time, a time for introspection and meditation. Pooping is an activity designed for solace.

I won’t pretend to have a solution to this plague unto our bathrooms, but that’s not my job. I don’t have a job. You know what I do have, though? A desire to shit in peace. Please respect that, bathroom architects of America.