Hey there America, it's me Calvin.

So, uhh...what's been going on lately? I mean it seems like recently you've just been falling apart. Is there something bothering you? Anything you wanna talk about? It feels like your kinda falling into your old habits. I mean, that whole institutionalized racism thing. I thought you were done with that a while ago. Also, are you still anti-LGBTQ? I know you were upset about that whole gay marriage thing, but seriously that bathroom bill was just pathetic. You can do better than this!

And let me just say, using Donald Trump is not a healthy way to deal with your problems. I know you really want thing to go back to the old ways but you gotta move on. Stop living in the past. Think of all the great things you've done. Like uhh...umm. Well there are plenty of things, I just can't think of them right now.

Remember the founding fathers? Remember the whole "all men created equal" thing? That was great! I mean, you did still have slaves and women couldn't vote, but that was such a great idea, wasn't it? Aren't you proud of your heritage? Actually wait no, don't answer that question.

Okay, I know this isn't gonna be easy, but you gotta be progressive. I understand the urge to punch every man-bun having millennial right in their unemployed face is a strong one, but they actually have some pretty good ideas. Just try to be open to new things okay?

Also, about that whole wall thing, don't do it. It wouldn't compliment your look. Go for something more stylish.

Please at least take what I said into consideration. We may be far from radical change but we can take baby steps. So come on. Together, let's make you great again.

Well, maybe not "again", but for once at least.