Being a young mom is a difficult task in itself. Learning to juggle all of the roles of your everyday life while instantly having one priority shot to the top of your list of important duties. No one can understand the situation you’re experiencing until they go through it, and even then every circumstance is unique to each individual. And while I’m sure we both miss the days of staying up all night eating popcorn and watching movies, neither of us would trade your little addition to the party for anything in the world.

I don’t understand your trials because I’ve never lived through them, but I admire your determination to give your child a wonderful life and I respect you for putting them first. I never once expected you to drop everything for me because I know the weight of everything you carry. I never want you to feel as if I view you as less of a friend than before because I don’t see you as much as I used to. If anything, I value our friendship more because I realize the effort that it takes for you to carve out any time in your life for anyone besides your little bundle of joy.

I still cherish the few texts that we might send during the day of our occasional FaceTime calls that get interrupted by snack time and boo boos. Your life is taking over and that’s just the way that it has to be. It’s not your fault that we no longer talk every day or go shopping on the weekends. We don’t go on dinner dates anymore, and if we do we make sure to get a table that can handle a booster seat. But I wouldn’t want to spend an entire meal coloring on a kid’s menu or watching our word choices — because someone occupying the booster seat oddly resembles the mimicking of a parrot — with anyone else.

I’m immensely happy that your life is so full of love and joy, and I never want you to apologize for the nights we don’t get to spend together and the days we don’t get to try on floppy hats because I know there is a little someone who loves to stay home and try on her mommy’s floppy hats and high heels. And moments like those are moments you can never get back.

So please, I beg you, stay at home with your family. Don’t make up excuses to get out of double dates or dinner parties, tell everyone work kicked your butt and you would rather snuggle up on the couch and watch cartoons with someone who smiles and kisses your cheek when you tuck her into bed every night. Don’t apologize for “not making time” because, whether someone really understands or not, you’re making the perfect amount of time for someone who needs help learning their ABCs.

So don’t let a wave of guilt ever pass over you the next time you cancel or decline plans because your priority is being mother. You’re doing the absolute best you can, and I’ll be here waiting when your babies are grown and know their ABCs. When they make plans of their own with friends that love them just as dearly as I love you. This is time that you’ll never get back, spend it with the little ones who are growing up too fast.