As someone who has previously struggled with distortions concerning self-perception, I would take pleasure in unveiling a more intimate side of myself in order to empower women amongst all age groups, whom may be dealing with a similar disorder, to cease every self-defeating and irrational thought that one might have about themselves, for you are beautiful.

This is my story.

Throughout the past year, I have not uploaded as many photos to social networking sites as much as I have previously. No, it is not because I have gone into hiding; nor is it because I have finally come to the realization that I have an obsession with taking photos. Rather, it was for an entirely different reason which was personal at the time. However, with time comes understanding and I would like to take this moment to reflect on what I have learned.

I, along with those within the millennial generation, have had the esteemed privilege to grow up during an age where technology plays a major role in our daily lives. Nonetheless, the older folk tend to frown upon our constant attachment to a materialistic object. They believe we do not grasp the basic concept of what it means to pick up the phone. We do. However, these days, we use it for more than just a phone call.

We have been conditioned to be on our phones 24/7, with the main reason only being to keep up with the lives of those around us. It is as though every millennial baby was born with an extra appendage: five fingers and a phone. Whether it be updating one's status, uploading a photo on Instagram of last Friday night, or tweeting at a close friend, the constant need stay up to date with social media has become a necessity for many. I, for one, have fallen into this trap and given the fact that you are reading this, it is most likely certain that you have too.

I originally took to social media to have a solid platform to express my then-current interest in photography; however, with the growing popularity of selfies, the person standing behind the camera began to feel hidden from the world around her. The girl who never put herself in the spotlight, for she did not want the attention to be on her but on that of her work, began to feel inferior to the people around her. It was as though she was an anonymous face that no one knew.

After quite some time, I began to see that other girls would obtain more “likes” on a photo that displayed their face than that of a tree on a snowy day. Therefore, I was curious to see how my followers on Instagram would react if I posted a selfie.

It was a picture of me in my bathroom (that was unfortunately a thing circa 2014).

In less than 25 minutes, I had more than 60 likes, which was outrageous for me at the time that this took place. People began to comment, “You look absolutely gorgeous, Rebecca!" I would be lying if I told you that the attention I received was not flattering because it definitely was. It made me feel worthy that people were finally recognizing my beauty. Despite the fact that I never thought I would admit this, that feeling inside made me crave for more attention from that of my peers. Thus, I began to post a selfie every other week.

However, on the contrary, the amount of likes I obtained was never anywhere near the standard average one might gain when posting a picture of themselves. Consequently, negative thoughts began to flood my mind. I began to question my appearance.

What made their photo more likable than mine? Did I have something in my teeth? Should I have brushed my hair more? Was a pimple noticeable on my forehead?

I was not aware at the time that this negative thinking had started a chain reaction that began to fuel my distortions.

Some would say that I was initially jealous of the attention being given to those around me, but that wasn't the case. Unfortunately, I have grown up in the modern, technological society where it has become an unspoken rule that your worth is calculated by how many likes you get on your status updates, photos, and tweets. I hate to say this, but that is the world we live in today despite how awful it might sound.

The little 5-year-old girl, who didn't give a damn about what anyone said to her because she was going to prove them wrong otherwise, had faded into a 17-year-old woman who needed other people's validation to feel happy.

It's safe to say that I lost myself.

The version of the girl you would see smiling in the daily post on Instagram was masking her real feelings. Those smiles began to be forced by those around her, despite the fact that she was hurting inside. After a while, she didn't even recognize herself.

I came to a point where I realized that I had fallen entirely off the grid. I went from being curious to obsessed, and had to put a stop to this self-destructive way of thinking. It consumed my daily thoughts and took away from being able to live life without having to worry about what other people thought of me.

There comes a point where each individual needs to designate a time in which to put down their phones, take a step back and live in the present moment. I have tried my best to do so in the past year, but like many, I have failed along the way. However, I am making more of an effort to not have the temptation to post as frequently as I have. I encourage you to do the same. It is worth executing because you begin to realize that you do not need other people to know your every move, nor do you need them to feel better about yourself.

Within the original selfie I posted, I felt as though I had to prove my beauty and worth to the individuals following me. Therefore, I put make-up on, curled my hair perfectly, positioned my head in a particular manner, and added three different filters which were used to enhance my overall features. This was very uncommon for me to do; however, it is what society views as the standard procedure women should do routinely to boost their beauty. In essence, I was trying to be something that I wasn’t in order to fit in.

During National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, which took place between February 21-27, my peers at Stevenson University decided to hang inspirational quotes on the mirrors within each bathroom on campus. I was so excited to see such empowering words in front of me when I looked at my reflection in the mirror. It was as though all my past distortions faded away.

Thus, I had to document this joyous occasion; however, I was unconsciously aware that I had not taken a selfie. It was not until after I looked back on this picture did l realize this was a pivotal point in my journey. I learned that the individual behind the camera can be just as beautiful as the individual in front of the lens. In that moment, I finally defied my disease.

I consider the second picture to be an accurate representation of myself. It is of a college-aged girl with no make-up on, hair pulled back on a rainy day, and a simple yet meaningful smile. The girl does not care whether or not she is perfect; for she chooses to look past her imperfections.

She sees her true beauty in the reflection of the mirror -- and the girl looking back at her is so unbelievably happy to see her smiling like her true self again.

So I will leave this here:

1. Why are you trying to fit in when you were born to stand out?
2. If your self-worth is gained from others, then you will forever need approval.
3. Your value does not decrease based on somebody's inability to see your worth.
4. Your worth is not measured by a number of likes, comments, notes or followers; but in your ability to love, keep comments to yourself, take note and lead.
5. For you will never be able to lead if you do not put the phone down.

Remember that you are not alone.

Love,
The Girl in the Mirror