My relationship with religion has always been one of curiosity, confusion and discomfort. I grew up in a house that was primarily Atheist, with the occasional Christmas Eve midnight mass or Easter morning mass and brunch. My dad has always been extremely vocal in his mistrust of organized religion, and it even became somewhat of a joke between us for most of my life. My mother, on the other hand, has always been curious of spirituality, and the afterlife. This mixture of differing feelings about all things spiritual led me to be a very unsure youth. My confusion only grew in the context of my social environment of millennials who, like my father, totally rebelled against almost all forms of organized religion. In my community, we were all considered “too smart” to be religious, and worship seemed like an antiquated ritual only to be participated in during holidays and coming of age ceremonies. The only people I knew who ascribed to any religious community were people who had been raised Catholic or Jewish, and kind of just labeled them as such by default.

The first time I explored the religious pathway of my own curiosity was my sophomore year of high school. I was about 15-years-old and my boyfriend at the time took me to the youth group he belonged to in the Unitarian Universalist Church of Buffalo. I instantly fell in love with the sense of community that was so alive in the basement of this beautiful church nestled in the Elmwood village. We all had crazy haircuts and liberal politics, we discussed current events and how we could participate in making our community better. I looked forward to singing in the chapel, pizza and sleepovers every other weekend, and visiting other churches with my friends to hang out and have fun. We broke rules, read poetry, stayed up late, and worshiped positive energy and spirit. I made a lot of friends in that church, most of whom I am still friends with to this day, but the main thing I missed out on was a relationship with my spirituality. The difference between Unitarian Universalism and most other religions is that you are not told how to connect with God, but more so how to connect with others. It is a beautiful religion, and fosters a lot of close bonds between people and their communities, but my boyfriend and I broke up and I was pretty much back to square one.

I spent the next two years extremely distant from my spirituality, I honestly just think I stopped caring. I have always felt a connection to God, but in those two years, I had absolutely zero interest in my relationship with my own spirituality. I went through my life with a feeling of something missing, something I could never seem to quite put my finger on. Those two years were some of the toughest of my adolescence, and I had nothing to depend on or to help guide me in any direction spiritually. The funny thing to me now, as I look back on it, is that I had no idea why I felt so empty. I had no clue that the thing I had been missing the entire time was God.

After I graduated high school, I took a year off of college, and fell in love with a boy, and started working at a restaurant. My best friend had passed away that summer and the only thing really keeping me together was my new relationship. I secluded myself from a lot of my friends, and dropped out of school because I was too depressed to be interested. In the spring, I began work at a restaurant and everything started to seem a little more mellow. I was still depressed, but I was starting to see some kind of light at the end of the tunnel. That’s when I met the woman who saved me. We both worked at the restaurant together and connected just because of our personalities, and one day she invited me to church. I was hesitant, but the way she described it to me I honestly thought it would be just like the Unitarian Universalist church I attended when I was 15. I also thought I should stick to plans with someone for once and try to make new friends. So we set a Sunday for me to come, and I stuck to my word and showed up in the morning.

I was surprised by a lot of what happened that Sunday at Village Church in Buffalo, NY. Firstly, I was surprised that it was a Christian church. I had never really been Christian before (although my mom did take me to church and Sunday sporadically when I was young) and it scared me. Like I said earlier, I grew up in a super liberal community across the board, an organized religion (Christianity specifically) was always thought of as being too conservative and ridiculous for anyone to actually take seriously. I knew literally no one my age who was openly Christian growing up, and the few that I knew who did go to church on Sundays always got dragged there by their parents or grandparents. Secondly, I was surprised at how open and not weird it was. The location was beautiful, the music (the church community singing essentially Christian karaoke with a live Mumford-And-Sons-esque band) was equally beautiful. I felt instantly comfortable and involved. Lastly, I was surprised by the warmth and overall goodness I felt in the hearts of the crowd in attendance. My experience was one of the best of my life and, needless to say, I came back.

I attended church all summer, and right before I began my fall semester at Buffalo State College, I was baptized. We all congregated at the Buffalo Outer Harbor, and Dana baptized me with the help of our pastor. It was the most serene and clear moment I have ever felt in my life. I am not one to really talk about my religious experiences mostly because I feel like everyone has religious experiences that manifest themselves differently. I will say, however, that when I was fully submerged in the water, I felt like I had finally truly accepted God into my heart. I felt safe, and at peace. I also felt that this experience bonded Dana and I in a way that I haven’t felt with anyone else. It was more than friendship, she saved me, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

The opportunities I have been given through my friendship with Dana, and the relationship she introduced me to within Village Church have been insurmountable. I found something to fill the void that had been so haunting to me my entire life. I attend service almost every Sunday at Village, not to see my friends or to necessarily be a part of the community, but to worship the God that I have finally been able to bond with. I see every Sunday as a chance to grow closer to Jesus, and to learn from Him. I have been given a new meaning in my life and that is to project the way of Jesus into my daily life. I do not preach the gospel to strangers, I do not throw my faith into anyone’s faces, but I try my best to be kind, supportive, loving, humble, and giving. I try my best every day to live in the way of Jesus.

I am so grateful to have met Dana, and to have been given the gift that I have by her. To have been accepted into a community of people who guided me toward my salvation, and who helped me find God without any pressure has been a blessing I can not describe in words. I have found a place where I have been able to explore what I believe with love, excitement, and constant growth, and I owe it all to Dana. Thank you, and I hope that I can someday be what you have been for me to someone else.I hope that someday I can guide someone to fill the void in their hearts with the love of Jesus. I hope that someday I can simply be there for someone the way that Dana has been here for me, and the way that Jesus has shown he is here for me through her, through Village, and through my triumphs and defeats.

My relationship with Jesus had helped me through my first heartbreak, the passing of my best friend and two grandfathers, my first year of college, and the stormy waters of every struggle I have endured in the past year. When I feel alone I can look to Him, when I feel worthless He shows me I am not, when I triumph He humbles me. And when I need to cry about a boy over a large pepperoni pizza, I have Dana. She is always there to talk about my problems, and to remind me that I am not alone by any stretch. I am who I am today because of my relationship with God, and I am forever in debt to Dana for showing me to Him.