As a disclaimer, I'm not pretending that everyone's family situation is the same. I'm not pretending to know how every family situation needs to be handled. What I am saying, though, is that mine should know better.
As a point of clarification, this letter is geared more towards my father's side of the family. Although, my mother's side could certainly benefit as well.
I'm not writing this to cause a problem. In fact, my hope in writing this is that we'll have fewer problems. Because I do not want to grow up regretting not knowing my family better.
I have this vivid memory in my mind from Pop's funeral. The priest asked for all of the grandchildren to stand up to make their final farewell. What felt like half of the congregation stood up. That was the first and last time I ever saw anywhere close to all of us together.
For those who are not members of the family, I'll provide a brief description of our family tree. I'll most likely get it wrong, but here it goes. My Nan and Pop had eight children, with 20 years between Uncle Ralph (the oldest) and my father (the youngest). Each of their children married at least once and had at least two children. Without getting too in depth, there are like 37 grandchildren and too-many-for-me-to-remember great-grandchildren. And the number of great-grandchildren will just keep rising, so I'm not worried about keeping track.
Over 33 cousins (subtracting my siblings and me) that I have only met a fraction of. An even smaller fraction that I have a close relationship with and see on a somewhat regular basis.
With a family this large, there are bound to be some minor issues, but they should not prevent having a relationship.
Earlier this year, I lost a friend in a car accident. He was young... barely 21 years old. Last year, my father lost one of his best friends, very suddenly. Whenever you experience a loss like that within your friend-family, you think about your blood family. 'When was the last time I talked to or saw this particular relative? Should I call? I don't know what's going on in their life. Maybe I shouldn't call. I don't want to intrude.'
I'm here to tell you, yes, you should freaking intrude. You never ever know when your last opportunity to make amends will be. I watched my grandmother pass away without completely making things right with her sister. A family should at least act like a family. In a perfect world, they would. Instead, we wind up with a fractured image of what used to be and what should be. The minor problems that start with two individuals cascade between generations and siblings.
Yes, I'm young. Young enough not to know what made a once sweet relationship so bitter. Young enough to hope that my generation can be better.
I can tell you one thing. If I am ever lucky enough to get married, I'm not going to pick and choose which relatives get invited and which do not. Cause guess what? That's what family means. Loving people in spite of who they are as well as for who they are.
