Open Letter To A Tool
Start writing a post
Relationships

Open Letter To A Tool

The title should be self-explanatory.

47
Open Letter To A Tool

Oh, dear f*ck boy.

How did you know? You could not possibly have appeared in my life at a better time. I got a new job today and I am positively bursting at the seams, waiting to be undone. This is the first semester I've felt truly prepared and excited to go back to class since fall of freshman year. However, there is nothing more that I could ever want than your greasy a** sliding into the DMs, as the kids say.

I remember the spring fondly. We met up for iced chai tea lattes and ended up making out back at your place. True perfection. Oh! But my favorite part was when you stopped talking to me as soon as I walked out of your door. Whatever, no great loss. You were simply another lover scorned considering I laughed at you for that stupid move you pulled. Did you think we were high schoolers? What's the term? Durfing? Ridiculous. I didn't hear from you for a few months. Really, it was better that way. You have your shitty music and I have much better things to fill my time with.

Here you are again, though. Proclaiming that I am "hotter than [you] remember." Gee, thanks, mister! You sure know how to flatter a girl. I'll give you the benefit of a doubt. Let's try this 'friends' business again. This is the prime time for networking, right? We talked for a day. That's it. One day. Then it was right back to ignoring me. Here I am thinking that if you had any decency you would at the very least give my number to your friend and have them tell me you were dead.

But alas, what light through yonder cell phone breaks? 'Tis a text, and indeed, it is someone's son. Someone who should be quite ashamed, by the way.

What possessed you to finally break the silence? "I don't know ... haha." Wow, so eloquently put. I am at a loss for words. "Okay then I'll be honest I'm not really looking for a friend I'm looking for someone to fuck me.” There we have it, folks. An age-old story of a dumb a** having his foot so far in his mouth that he could not take the time to tell me he needed to go to the hospital for an oral-pedectomy. Mmm, yeah, nothing gets me going quite like being ignored. Please, take me now! Or not.

Oh, dear f*ck boy.

It seems that you may be used to getting what you want. Did things not go according to plan? Are you now backpedaling so hard that your muscles will be sore for days? I wouldn't say I have pity. My feelings lie somewhere between contempt and amusement. So don't be sorry for being horny. Be sorry for being a piece of sh*t.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

71362
houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee
nappy.co

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

133450
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments