You got to keep trying. You can do it. Yes, it is very hard but you have outlets, good outlets. You really do. I know it does not feel like it now but just opens your eyes. It is everywhere if you look hard enough. It is okay to get help, trust me I was there and talking and getting help will save you. You have friends, trust me you do! Find someone who will help you and listen. Better yet find a few because that will be one of the best things for your recovery. You need support and there are people who truly want to help you. I can say this because this has happened for me. I found a safe group that will take me in and be here no matter what, at any time, This is the friends you need to find. It is very fulfilling. Therefore, I know you can too.
Life will only get better if YOU want it to. There will be times when life is so hard you want to give up, while at the same time calling out for someone so you could be stopped. This is why you need friends. You need a place to go to where you can knock on their door in tears and all that they do is say hi with arms wide open. No questions asked. Now do not say "well I have no friends", because trust me you have at least have one and if you do not think they can be that for you then you need to search. You deserve the friendship like that.
You also need to understand you are at the lowest place, so that means you can only go up from there. This means your life will not always be at the point it is at this moment. I also learned if you keep yourself busy you must keep yourself busy because you will be being to put off trying to until you don’t have to anymore because you’ll learn you do not need to. That is when you learn your life is worth more than the feelings you’re having now. If I can do this, you can too!