Hey Stranger,

That's what we are now. Strangers. I’m sorry that I called you, sobbing, two weeks after the breakup begging you to tell me that you missed me. You, silent, on the other end, scared me too much to ever reach out again. It’s been four months since we last spoke and I know that you probably don’t ever think about me. That’s okay. I want to inform you that I’ve tried extremely hard to move on. There's been five guys. I’ve gone on dates and tried to get to know five amazing guys since I left you.

Each time, I end up cutting the date short, demanding to be taken home because the guy that I’m on a date with isn’t you, the guy that I’m kissing isn’t you, and the guy that’s holding me, isn’t you. I still want it to be you. I also want to inform you that I try not to talk about you. I try not to ask our mutual friends how you’re doing, but I end up doing it anyways and I’ve tried to keep my life at college free of any mention of our relationship.

I’m doing fine, I’m surviving and succeeding without you. We now don’t know much about one another, I have no idea what you’ve been up to in these last four months and you have no idea about the ups and downs of my freshman year at college. I also want to inform you that I miss you very much. Sometimes so much my heart physically hurts and I start sobbing alone in the shower. I walk out with a fake smile on my face so that my roommate doesn’t get too freaked out. I’m doing fine.

I blame us ending on a few things; I had a boyfriend when I met you and it wouldn’t have been fair for us to work out. I pushed you, a lot. I thought this was the right thing; I pushed you into getting a job, I pushed you into spending more time with your family and friends and I pushed you into getting more involved.

I was more like an annoying second Mom rather than a girlfriend and that must have sucked, but I think you deserve a lot more than you give yourself- you deserve the world. Mainly, I think we didn’t work out because we met a few months before I was leaving for college and you are a senior in high school. None of that matters much because I believe that you are the right guy for me- we were two imperfect people that made this perfect couple.

It was me that chose to leave, to end us and say goodbye. I walked away but you never asked me to stay. Still, a part of me will always wish that we could have worked out, that we had tried harder. I guess no matter how hard I try, I'm not over you, yet.

From,

A Stranger