You were the best thing that had ever happened to me. Ever. You were the “knight in shining armor” that my mom always told me would come into my life and sweep me off of my feet. You brought out the best in me, and in all reality, I felt like such a princess with you. You had the biggest heart, and the way you looked at me.. man oh man, it made me feel like I was worth something for once.
We spent day after day together, vacations, trips to the lake, birthday parties, dinner dates, and so much more. Your friends accepted me without hesitation, they made me feel like I had been friends with them for as long as you have been. Being able to walk into your home and feel so welcomed and loved from your family is something I cannot thank God enough for. They truly treated me as if I was their own, and I am so grateful for that. I am utterly blessed to have met each and every one of them, and know that even to this day, I can go to them without judgment or shame.
Every waking moment that I spent with you, I cherished and adored. The love we shared was like nothing I have ever experienced before. I loved you whole-heartedly, and let me tell you, it was the little things.. watching you sing your favorite songs at the top of your lungs while driving, or the way your eyes would squint when you would laugh. It was those moments where you would make silly faces to make me laugh, or when you would give me those random forehead kisses, because you knew I was a sucker for those. All of those little things made falling in love with you so easy.
You lit a fire inside of me that has truly changed me forever. But out of nowhere, you decided to put out the flames.
You blind-sided me.
Your feelings just snapped. All of a sudden they were not for me anymore. They were for her now. The girl you promised me time and time again, was just your friend. The girl who broke your heart prior to me coming into your life. The girl that you continually complained about throughout our relationship, because she was "oh so horrible" to you. But if she was so horrible like you had said all along, how did your feelings go from me to her so suddenly? Was I even more horrible than she was to you? Honestly, I put my entire heart into our relationship. I put you on a pedestal, because you deserved to be on one. Now, I don’t know about you.. But I don’t think that’s a bad thing.
When you chose to be with the girl who broke you in the first place, I’ll admit, the heartbreak that I went through nearly killed me. Having to pack all of your things in a bag while trying to hold back the tears rolling down my cheeks is a feeling I do not wish upon anyone. And I pray to God that if I have a daughter someday, she will never have to feel that pain or the pain of laying in her bed at night, staring at the ceiling and thinking, “Why am I not good enough?” When you left, I learned to believe that I was unlovable, and I became unhealthy. I would curse your name because I thought maybe, just maybe, that would hurt you as much as you hurt me.
But it never did.
Today, I am finally waking up. I am deciding to live now. I’m done playing our song on repeat, and I am ready to start learning new songs and scream them at the top of my lungs with my friends. I am ready to go on new adventures now, and stop worrying about having to avoid places where we made endless memories together. I am working my butt off at school, and when I get into my career someday, I will only look back on this as a little bump in the road. I am finding myself again, even though you forgot about me.
Out of this whole thing, I have learned to never take one thing for granted. I am a better and stronger girl now. You knocked me down, but guess what.. I am getting up again. I am finally realizing my worth now, and I am understanding how valuable I really am, and someday, a boy is going to see that, too.
In the end of all of this, I really just want to say thank you.
Thank you for breaking me. Thank you for making my heart a total mess. Because of you, I am learning to pick up the pieces on my own. I am repairing myself. Thank you for leaving me, because now, I have discovered a strength in me that I never even knew I had. Thank you for pushing me away, because it taught me how to forgive. You caused me so much pain, and even though you never apologized, I forgive you.
So, to the boy who threw me away.. Thank you.
