To the man who touched me, without ever meeting me or being aware of my existence. You were always there, even when I was a small child, I grew up always hearing your voice, but most of the time with a different face. Even as I got older, I never stopped watching your movies. Whether I was happy, sad, depressed, angry, I would watch your movies and it would help me feel better. Even as I write this letter, well over a year after your death, I get teary-eyed. I can't help it, but I also don't understand it. How could someone that I never met, someone that never knew I even existed, mean so much to me? I have never lost a family member, but when you left this world, it felt like I had lost an uncle, a brother or even a grandfather. It was like when you walk home from school and when you walk through the doors, you aren't there anymore. I just remember a storm the day you left us, the day you left this world of people who loved you.
When my mother told me, I thought she was kidding. When she told me you took your life, I thought there was no possible way. How could a soul so soft take their life? You were very good at your craft, you never let anyone know. You hid your damaged heart behind a brave character. You didn't want anyone to know, and for what reason, I'll never know. I know that you had been depressed for so many years and that resonates with me because I went through that same exact pain. The kind that doesn't go away after a doctors appointment, the kind that doesn't disappear after a few months, the kind that stays with you for years. But I wish you could have healed. I wish you could have had that pain fall from your shoulders and you could have filled your lungs with the kind of air you haven't tasted in many, many years. I wish you could have been happy.
I remember, after I heard the news, I found the first movie that popped into my head, "Dead Poet's Society." I watched that movie and cried my eyes out. I was emotionally wrecked for days over someone who didn't know me and I felt so stupid for it. But no one told me it was stupid, they told me that that's what it means to be a good actor. But I think it's more than that. I think that's what it means to be such an inspirational person.
Here I am now, almost 20 years old, sitting in my dorm room writing this with tears in my eyes and I still haven't gotten over this. You were more than just an actor. You showed me that it was OK to me silly, to be weird, to be angry, to be sad. You showed me that is was natural to be a bit eccentric, to be a dreamer and I love that so much. So now that you're gone, I want to thank you and your many names for making me happy, for making me laugh, for making me cry. So thank you very much Peter, Batty, Sean, Alan, Patch, Mrs. Doubtfire and thank you, Genie, because at least now, you're finally free.
Sincerely,
Not just a fan, but a friend
