I feel like this is long overdue. I kept debating on actually writing this. I don't know why I haven't yet. Maybe because I'm scared to talk about the future and what it holds and if you will actually be there in the future with me or maybe it's because I want to live in the past and think of all the things we've done and how much you've taught me.
I remember the fishing trips to Dowelltown, the stories along the way, and stopping and looking at where your family used to live. The little Joe card trick, sitting on the tailgate of your truck and talking about life and thinking before I spoke. You are always so honest with me. Even when I was younger, you would talk to me like I was an adult. You taught me how to check the oil in the car, tie a knot on a hook, whistle using a piece of grass. You even let me down gently when I was little and I wanted to marry you. You were my "Happy" and I loved you. You are the greatest.
Most of all, you taught me to never apologize for being myself, to own being me and that there is always room for improvement on anything. To do what makes me happy. That not everyone is going to be happy with my choices. It doesn't matter what they think. It matters what I think and if I'm happy.
I'm sure you didn't expect that to come into play when I made choices you didn't necessarily like. But you accepted my choices and knew that I would figure it out on my own.
You were there for me as I grew up and questioned things and guided me in the right direction. I looked up to you. I was your shadow. I don't want to think about the years to come or what it's going to be like without you here because it's going to be hard. I want you to be around forever. I want you to be there when I have big life events happen or when I need someone to talk to so someone can tell it to me like it is, but in the end still tell me they love me and are proud of me.
Thank you for teaching me so much and helping me along in my journey in life. I know I moved away and then the cancer diagnosis came and the medicine is not being super helpful right now. It just makes you feel bad. Hopefully the different dose will help. You are so strong and I look up to you for that. I miss you too and I know I don't call as much as I should but I'm here and I'm going to try and visit more
I love you. You are my Pappy and I hope one day I can teach Lennox and any other kids about life the way you've taught me.
Thank you.
