I honestly don't know where to begin with this. Never did I ever think we’d go our separate paths. The actual idea of us no longer being best friends never occurred to me. But here we are, drifted apart with silence between us. And let me admit, it saddens me immensely.

It’s funny how I told you I’d write about you being my best friend, but here I am sitting in my room writing about how we lost everything instead. All the memories just suddenly came flooding back. I never knew anyone who was so similar to me and made me wonder how we weren’t actual twins. Hell, our birthdays are one day apart. Our friendship was unexplainable, yet there was never a dull moment. No one would be able to understand how our friendship worked, but it really only mattered to us. Maybe this is why I’m writing this now—I wish it was still like this.

Sometimes I wonder what actually tore us apart. The situation seems to be having some missing pieces. Generally, I realized that I was being a lousy friend at some point and we were just in total disagreement. I was selfish and wasn't acting like the best friend you claimed. Honestly, I don’t have an excuse for how things went down. It was like we didn’t see eye to eye and we just gave up. Maybe we didn’t communicate enough or maybe we didn’t even need to. Regardless, some things were left unsaid. I don’t know if we’ll ever be okay again, but I wanted you to know how I was feeling.

I probably don't have the privilege to say this because I didn’t have the guts to tell you directly, but I’ll say it anyway—I miss us. It may not seem like it, but I do. It’s such an awkward and disappointing feeling whenever you walk into Starbucks not sitting at the same table or saying a word. Or wanting to tell you things I’d only ever tell you and no one else. And as annoying as you were with being overly sarcastic and rude, I still tolerated and somehow enjoyed it because this kind of relationship was unique. There were so many qualities we shared that made us fit like two peas in a pod (yes, I know you hate peas).

However, I’m not asking you to forgive me. Sometimes these situations just happen and there can’t be anything done about it. We’re getting older by the second and maybe our run time is up. The future is inevitable but whatever it brings, I hope it all turns out well. I’m not angry nor selfish; I do wish you the best in regards to your future. I hope your experiences at the college you’ve decided to transfer to are as exciting as many of our adventures. And if I get to hear about these stories at any given time, I’ll be here to listen the same way as before.

On a final note, I’m glad you were able to give me the most genuine bond I could possibly have with a person. I know these days it’s hard to find someone with these type of qualities. So thanks for always willing to get fat with me at new and classic restaurants, quoting hilarious memes until we both can’t breathe, and mostly being the Cristina to my Meredith. As sappy as it sounds, I’ll always cherish the countless memories we had within the six plus years of our friendship.

Sincerely,

A lost friend