Dear My Number 1 Fan,

It always made me laugh when in TV shows some character obsessed with some celebrity declared themselves their biggest fan. It seemed impossible that they might know that they are their biggest fan when any person off the street could simply declare that they were in fact the biggest fan. Of course, I know that when you, my biggest fan, say that you are my biggest fan, there's no one in the world that could argue a better case for being declared my biggest fan.

You have stood by my side through every single up and down (and let's be honest, sometimes there were a whole lot more downs than ups), and never failed to try to put a smile on my face no matter what I was thinking. When I was miserable, you stood by my side and told me that I was worth more than whatever hell life was putting me through. When I was crying, you would rub my back or threaten to "beat someone up," even if you knew there was no way I would ever let you beat someone up for me, no matter what they did to hurt me. Thank you for wiping every tear, and telling me that no matter what had happened, something better was inevitably going to come along and change my life for the better. Of course, I didn't always believe that and thought you were telling me nonsense to make me smile, but nonetheless, whether it was making me laugh because I thought you were crazy or making me smile about something to look forward to, you always managed to turn my frown upside down.

When I was doing things that weren't always the most interesting to you, you never failed to support me in all of my endeavors. I think at this point we can be honest, as much as sports are my thing to watch, they simply are not my thing to play. We all tried to pretend like athletics was something I could pursue for years (until they started making you actually try out for the team). You sat outside for every game, for every meet, through all of the weather to cheer me on. I was a cheerleader (albeit an awful one) and yet, you cheered for me as a cheerleader more than those guys on the football field, who despite being so little could still inflict a lot of damage. You cheered for me as I tried everything, and while you would never promise me that I was going to be good at every single thing I tried, you sat there and watched me try, After trying to do something new would fail, you would be there for me to stand me up and let me know that there were going to be better times after that, or that someday we would find something I could be amazing at. I don't know that I've found it yet, but I know you will have my back until I get there.

I feel like after all this time, it might be a little too late to tell you that even when I pushed away, or insisted on doing things all by myself, I always knew that you were on my side. I knew that when I was the person causing the problems, you were still my fan (just more like the disappointed fan when the band releases "that" album). I knew that I could count on you to be honest, but to support me if I ignored your honest opinion and decided to continue doing what I wanted to do without regard for whether or not you were right. Of course, this letter is not telling you that you were always right (I'm sorry), but I'm glad to know that even when I am wrong you will be on my side anyways. I think about this a lot, now that you aren't always around to see me succeed or see me fall. I know that you and I have been through a lot with me, and I am forever grateful for the time you spent with me trying to help me be successful.

Love always,

Your (soon-to-be I hope, I'm getting old) star