To All Those Suffering Who Don’t Think They Deserve Help,
It doesn’t matter what the heck is going on. You’re a human being and you’re worth it. All it takes to get help is a lot of courage; it takes asking for help. For some of us it’s easier than it is for others.
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I have many friends with depression who have felt deeply guilty and have hid their feelings for years, believing they were not worth help. I felt guilty while seeing a doctor for my chronic headaches when kids with cancer were wheeled up to the check-in desk after I walked on up. There they were with a real live disease, facing death, a tumor growing inside, and here I was complaining about my temples hurting. Did I really deserve all these doctors after nothing was really, medically wrong with me in the end?
Fast forward to the hotel basketball court, a few miles away from the Mayo Chronic Pain Clinic. I’m here working on my headaches. Two short boys from the street have just walked through the parking garage and begun to shoot hoops. I am sitting with my spunky, loquacious fellow pain clinic friend watching some of the other kids shoot hoops. The second the shorter non-hotel boy begins trash-talking with our tall Mayo friend out on the court, she jumps up to join in the world battle. The boy starts to get nasty in his words towards her, and our friend on the court reasons, “Look, she didn’t do anything to you really, just leave her alone, would you? She’s in a lot of pain.”
“What, she got a tumor in her brain or something?” The short boy asks curiously.
She growls, “You could say that.” with a slight laugh.
“Wait, bro, does she actually have a tumor in her brain?” The boy looks to the lanky one, already shooting another free throw.
She speaks again “No, I don’t, but I have chronic pain and I –” but the boy has already stopped listening and returns to his basketball.
Everyone that I met at the Chronic Pain Clinic eventually realized we all needed and deserved help, even if it seemed as though the kids with cancer were so much more deserving and everyone else pays more attention to them, too. Here’s the thing, it’s not that they aren’t deserving, it’s that how much you’re suffering that defines whether or not you get help. It does not matter whether or not other people recognize your pain and suffering as legitimate. It does not matter whether or not your challenge is literally killing you, causing physical or emotional pain (what’s the difference!), or decreasing your quality of life. If it’s bothering you, you deserve help.
Everyone that I met at the Chronic Pain Clinic eventually realized we all needed and deserved help with depression, anxiety, pain, and fears. “No, you won’t be helped with that issue, because that’s not really killing you. There are kids with cancer that are dying.” Does that make any sense? No.
Everyone that I met at the Chronic Pain Clinic realized that just because there is no succinct, defined cause of the pain does not mean you don’t deserve help for it just as much as a cancer patient would. This goes for any problem-- anxiety, depression, perfectionism fears, addiction, heartbreak. I still sometimes feel guilty for all the money my parents have spent trying to figure out my headaches, and I wish I knew everything I knew now after visiting the pain clinic before I had to spend all that money on alternative medicines and doctors. But you know what? I asked for help, and eventually, that trail of doctors led me to that pain clinic. I know that I don’t need to feel guilty anymore because I wouldn’t have made it to where I am today without spending all that money. I suppose it was inevitable. So I’m trying to let go of my guilt. I wish I could fund some kid’s cancer treatment with all of the money from the stuff I used to get rid of my headaches, but I know thinking that will not help. As my mom says, you can’t drive a car backwards. So pack your car with courage and a friend to reach out to for help, okay? They’re your best seatbelts and airbags.
Signed,
Someone Who Once Didn’t Think They Deserved Help
