Before all of this happened, before ‘life’ happened, you were known as a loved one to me. After everything ‘went South’, as you would have said, I now can refer to you as someone I have lost. A three letter difference in those words, and yet their meanings make me feel two totally different emotions. I guess the latter depends upon the former because if I hadn’t loved you so dearly, losing you wouldn’t hurt so severely.

You were my rock, my heart, my inspiration, and so, so many more things. When you were taken from me I felt utterly beside myself. I was unsure of how to react and how to go on living when so much of my life had changed. Given, I still live in the same house, go to the same school, and have the same friends. But, one very important person from my support group is now missing. We had dinner plans the Friday that followed your death, and I had imagined the day would be so different than it actually turned out to be. Instead of having trouble deciding on whether we should cook or go out to get sushi, I was troubled with much more pressing issues. How would I feel at Thanksgiving when your famous gravy wasn’t on the table? And when there was one less laugh that fills the room? How would I feel when your favorite holiday came around, and no one would hand craft the bows for the presents? I didn’t have the answers to these questions. Even though these days have passed, sometimes I still do not know the answers to these questions, and tears brim my eyes while everyone else smiles.

I am so lucky that you were such an inspirational and strong woman; without your influence I am certain that I would have succumbed to all of the pressing emotions that were on the brink of consuming me. Instead, I channeled all of the wonderful values and morals that you had instilled in me since day one. I worked harder to fulfill the goals that I had told you I would one day achieve. I rose up to meet your expectations of me. I am forever grateful that I was blessed enough to have a woman like you in my life. I love you today, tomorrow, and always Mawmaw.