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To The Man I Get To Marry, Please Rescue Me Soon

As said by my dad, "she's quite the handful."

Malley Ronk

Apr 17, 2018

Millennials of Michigan

To The Man I Get To Marry, Please Rescue Me Soon

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Dear Man I Get To Marry,

How are you? I'm pretty lousy these days.

What is it with the male species being so dumb during this life stage? I don't understand, but I guess I can get over it. Sometimes I just wish I could fast forward ten years into the future where we're together on a Saturday morning, making waffles and dancing to the playlist I made when I was nineteen. That's what I imagine having a husband is like, but I could be wrong. I know it's much more than that but I like being native about this kind of thing since I've barely had a boyfriend.

I think this is why I'm having such a hard time believing love will ever exist for a person like me. I still believe in having a soulmate though which seems counterproductive but that's my brain for ya!

I think like anyone, I have my share of questions for you.

How do we meet? At college during move in day or during a casual swipe on Bumble? How long do we date? I mean, my parents dated for 2 weeks then got engaged and have been married for 24 years now so it probably doesn't matter. Where do we live? All these things I think about a lot. I think it's fun to have different scenarios of who I marry. But I think my biggest question is, have we already met? I've met lots of guys for a brief moment in time I thought I would marry but that's just how the female brain works I guess. I'll admit, this has broken my heart on many different occasions due to jumping the gun thinking I've met 'my person.' But to be fair, everyone shoves the idea that you meet your spouse in your first years in college, so it's fair for me to question it every time a guy talks to me.

Whoever you may be, here's what you should know about me as an almost twenty-something year old.

I watch far too much Hulu and laugh hysterically at Bob's Burgers when I'm alone. In the summer, Marshmallow cokes replace the cold brew coffee part of my bloodstream. My music taste is all over the place and that's quite the skill to have. I'm a HUGE nerd so Marvel movies are in our future. I'm driven and am not threatened by men so don't be threatened by me. When I fall in love, I love with all my being because you deserve that.

I hope we meet very soon so you can rescue me.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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To The Man I Get To Marry, Please Rescue Me Soon

As said by my dad, "she's quite the handful."

How are you? I'm pretty lousy these days.

I think like anyone, I have my share of questions for you.

Whoever you may be, here's what you should know about me as an almost twenty-something year old.

Subscribe to our Newsletter

All names should be "unisex names."

1. Communicating via email can be awkward.

2. Appointments usually accompany weird looks.

3. Introducing yourself to someone is never without a hitch.

4. You’ve probably thought about changing your name.

5. You’re often asked why you have the name you do.

6. You get excited when you meet someone of your gender with your name.

7. You feel awkward when you meet someone of the opposite gender with your name.

8. You’ve had someone say to you, “I knew a [your name], but they were [your opposite gender].”

9. You’ve heard a bad joke/pick-up line or two about your name before.

10. People are surprised when they see you.

11. You’re extra sensitive to other unique or unisex names.

12. You’ve fought with your parents about it.

13. All things considered, you’re happy your name makes you unique.

You know that all of these things apply to you. You'll just never tell.

I get it... I'm pale.

1. At least I can't lose you in a crowd!

2. Oh my goodness your skin is like glow-in-the-dark.

3. Can't you just get fake tan?

4. Do you tan or just burn?

5. Your kids are going to look like Casper the Friendly Ghost!

6. *holds arm against your arm* Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. *holds pale arm against another pale arm* Aw, at least you're darker than her!

8. I laid out by the pool almost every day over break!

9. I haven't used sunscreen since I was, like, five.

10. *adjusts selfie lighting to their face* Oops, where'd you go??

11. *after working out* Your face is SO red!

12. *wears white* Look! You're all one color!

13. You need to get some sun.

14. Aren't you excited for summer?

The struggle bus is real.

1. Child prodigies:

2. Hearing other musicians in the practice room next door and accepting that you will never be as talented as them:

3. That anxiety that takes over before every performance:

4. Taking a million 0 credit classes:

5. When there's a paper due the next day, but you have to attend yet another concert in order to pass a 0 credit class:

6. When your friends try to encourage you after a performance, even though you are criticizing everything in your mind:

7. Knowing that there's always that one professor during juries:

8. The oh-so-attractive band/choir uniforms:

9. Realizing that a college campus is maybe not the best atmosphere to finish your latest composition:

10. Hearing "Oh, you sing opera? I LOVE Phantom of the Opera!" for the hundredth time:

11. When people think finals week is a breeze for you.

12. When you're drowning in the stress that comes with 18+ credits (and not to mention all those 0 credit classes) and people ask you how you are:

13. When it all comes down to it, though, you know that at the end of the day, music is your passion:

Because you need it in your life.

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6. holds arm against your arm Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. holds pale arm against another pale arm Aw, at least you're darker than her!

10. adjusts selfie lighting to their face Oops, where'd you go??

11. after working out Your face is SO red!

12. wears white Look! You're all one color!