It's really hard hearing the cliche, "I love you but I'm not in love with you." How could someone fall out of love when all you've done is give them everything you could? I have loved, loved, and loved you with everything only to get nothing in return.

What a roller coaster it has been for the past three and half years. We've had our ups and downs, but I believed that we could always make it through. Everyone says distance makes the heart grow fonder, but I think it hurt us more than anything. The two and half hour drive that we talked about all year became something we rarely did. The FaceTime dates were always put off for "later," and our phone calls were always cut short because you had to go hangout with your friends or do your homework. Your texts became shorter just like your hugs. I guess 158 miles was a little too much for us...

To say it doesn't hurt would be a complete lie. I think it would be crazy for someone not to be hurting after spending so much time together with one person. I've had countless nights where I would wake up and want to text you but I have to remind myself that I can't. I can't drive the streets going from my house to yours without thinking about all the times we drove it together holding hands. Sometimes, I wish that we got stopped at the lights more often or drove a little slower because who knew it would never happen again.

To be honest, I do miss you. I miss talking on the phone with you late at night or calling you because something exciting happened. You're still the person I want to call if something good or bad happens. I miss holding your hand even though they were always a little too dry in the winter. I miss the way you would look at me before you kissed me; I always knew when you were gonna kiss me. I miss the way we held hands in the car while driving. I miss talking about what we were gonna eat for dinner at night or what movie we were gonna see. You would always get what I wanted to drink at the movies instead of what you wanted. You knew when I was playing bad and would tell me to play like myself again. I'm going to miss you saying good luck to me before tournaments because that's all I've been hearing for the past three years before my round. I miss being able to call you about my stupid round or my good rounds. I miss hearing your voice when you would get tired at night. I wish I hadn't taken that last night for granted when you came to see me in Edmond.

I don't hate you for leaving me. People can change their minds about who they want, but I just thought it would be me you chose at the end of the day. I always said everything happens for a reason. People change for different reasons and I think college and your new friends have completely changed you. I hope one day you look back and realize that I have always been the same girl since the first day you met me. I always chose you.

So to the girl you love next. I hope you treat her like she's your priority. Maybe you will take your time out of the day to talk to her or step outside to talk on the phone with her. And when she asks you to stay on the phone a little longer, I hope you say okay instead of getting off the phone like you did with me. I hope you text her sweet good morning and goodnight texts. Also send her long texts back if she pours her heart out to you. If you ever get in fights with her, make up with her first before she gets more upset. I hope she brings out the side of you that I couldn't bring out. I hope she's everything you ever wanted, and when you fall for her, I hope you fall hard. And when you do, I hope she does too because I truly want what's best for you. I hope you fall in love with someone as much as I fell in love with you because it truly is wonderful to be able to love someone with everything.

My heart misses you. Sorry I wasn't the girl you fell in love with but I hope you find her.

Sincerely,
from the girl who deserved more