When I was younger, I use to dream about my first love, but I never dreamed that he would be the first to break my heart also. I never dreamed that he would not love me back or that his first love would be with alcohol and that was a bond far too tight to break. I never imagined becoming such great friends with his best friends that even after we stopped talking I would still be in the friend group and that I would have to see him happy without me being the reason, but some other girl with short blonde hair, tan skin, and great style.

Now I dream of being happy again, about trusting again, loving again, but sometimes I find myself dreaming about you again. I tell myself every time my mind wonders onto the thought of you that you were the toughest lesson that God has allowed me to learn on my own. You taught me how to love someone the wrong way before I could realize what the right way was. You taught me how to destroy my self confidence and my understanding of relationships, but that’s okay because through that I learned how to rebuild myself into someone much stronger. You taught me not to put my trust and hopes in people, but to put it in someone much more powerful and I found in God the only promise I needed. It took me a while to realize that it was not my fault that you never loved me the way that I loved you. I did nothing but give you everything because at the time you felt like my future, and I would do anything to protect that, but our future disappeared… like the shield that I held around myself hiding from the world outside of you.

Thank you for not loving me back because now I have found who I am without the weight of your dishonesty and lies holding me down and thank you for making it easy for me to not come back to what hurt me so much.

Sincerely,

a girl who doesn't feel the pain of heartbreak anymore

a girl who found herself

a girl who is doesn't have to dream about us ~again~