Dear past love,
At one point in my life, I saw you in a light no one else did. I was so in love with you, I would do anything for you. I have a journal from the 366 days I was in love with you. I read them the other day. This time last year, I couldn't imagine having anyone else in my life. I couldn't imagine being away from you. I got a sinking feeling when I would go a day without seeing you. This feeling of emptiness when you were gone, lasted 284 days. Then I learned how distance makes the heart grow fonder, and boy is the quote spot on. I missed you every day and I cherished the moments we spent together. I started to become distant from everyone around me. The once bubbly girl who never quit smiling turned into the girl who didn't talk to anyone. And that, my friend, was because of you.
I had some of the best moments of my day when I was with you. I remember the look you would give me when I did something so incredibly stupid. I remember when we would fight, but instantly make up. I remember the first time I met you. I remember the first words you said to me, and how nervous I was to respond to you. I have so many amazing memories with you, but I also have memories that hurt me. I remember crying in my bed at night because of you. I remember wanting to change everything about myself for you.
I would always get the question "what do you even see in him?" And that is the worst question you could ask someone who is in love. They didn't see it. They didn't understand why I saw you in this light. They didn't understand our relationship. My response to that question was "I don't know, there is just something about him," and that was true. I couldn't breathe when I was with you. You always hear in the movies "When you're love, you just know." That is so true. I can't explain how I felt when you looked at me. I can't explain how happy you made me. I can't explain why when you said "jump" I always asked "How high?" I can't explain the feeling I got when I saw you. You were my sunshine on a cloudy day, and I can't explain why.
All of this ended, though. One day a switch turned off, and I didn't see you in the light that I used to. You were the same man that made it hard to breathe, and that scared me, because I finally could breathe around you. I realized that you're nothing special. I became more distant, and you noticed it. I stopped replying instantly, and you noticed. I blamed it on me being busy, but that wasn't the case. I really didn't want to talk, because I didn't know what to say to you. At one point you were my best friend, and now you're a stranger I barely know. I look back at my life and realize that I was stupid for loving you. I was stupid for holding on so long. I tried to save what we had, but I couldn't.
I have barred off relationships, because you ruined me. You built me up and made me believe in fate and true love, and one day it all crumbled down. You changed my outlook on love and relationships. I used to be the girl who would watch rom-com after rom-com, but now I'm not. I changed into someone who has been deemed "heartless." I can't help it. You changed me into a person I didn't know, and now I'm finally getting to know her. I have taken off relationships because I need to find out what I want, and who I want to be. I have given up on love, because the only person I have ever felt this way about, tore me down.
I loved you even after you broke my heart. I loved you through the ups and downs. I realized I deserve more and I am not going to get it while being with you. I realized after a long 366 days, I am no longer in love with you.
Sincerely,
The girl who is finally free from you.
