you know who you are,

and i want you to know that things will get better

but that sometimes they’ll get worse

and it’s okay to go backwards

that’s just the way life is sometimes

it’s okay to have relapses

it’s okay to have bruises on your thighs

it’s okay to have cuts on your wrists, on your ribs

it’s okay.

and i know sometimes

it feels like

everyone else in the entire world

is just so fucking happy

and why can’t you just be that fucking happy

like them

why can’t you be normal,

and it’s okay to feel that way

just know feeling shitty

is not a bullshit excuse

it’s something that just happens sometimes,

and sometimes it feels like you’re too weak

or you’re stupid or inadequate somehow

for feeling this way when it feels like

no one else is

but you’re not.

you’re incredibly strong to get up every day

amazingly smart to make it through every day

while it feels like your mind

is bogged down by a fog of misconception

a constant background noise of criticism,

you’re so, so, so far beyond adequate

to be able to take on 7 full time jobs

of being a student, a family member,

an amazing fucking friend,

a support line, a member of multiple clubs,

an aspiring member of the work force,

a person that has to deal with their mental health

when counselors aren’t available because they’re

only opened 8-5 monday’s through friday’s

and you’re too afraid to call the 24/7 crisis hotline

and even when the counselors are open, you aren’t quite sure

you’re ready or able to talk to someone else about these things

because this shit is personal.

this is beyond adequate,

this is so much more

than what so many people have to deal with,

so what if someone might have it worse than you,

that doesn’t mean that you aren’t suffering in your own way;

every kind of sadness is valid.

and i know that sometimes

you can’t remember the last time you cried

for any reason other than this fucking mental illness

and i know that sometimes it feels like you can’t cry

unless it’s for this fucking mental illness

and i just want to let you know

that it’s okay to cry

whenever you need to,

and maybe a little bit before that

so that it doesn’t all gush out like a dam

breaking through its walls;

it’s okay to cry.

and i know sometimes it feels like

you’re making it up in your head

and that you’re somehow doing it

for attention or pity or

something

but know that you are not the only one

and if you’re not the only one

that must mean it is not something you made up

cause what’s the probability of 350 million people

making up the same shit.

but i know that this probably won’t convince you

so just know that i at least believe you

and that whatever you’re feeling, whatever you’re going through

it’s fucking real,

and if you have to chant that to yourself

over and over again for 3 hours before you’ll believe it,

believe it.

and i know that sometimes it feels like

it’s never going to get better

and therapy isn’t helping

talking isn’t helping

nothing is helping

and i don’t really have a response to that

other than sometimes it just takes time

and sometimes you just have to invest in yourself

and sometimes you just have to tough it out

i’m not going to repeat that bullshit

about suicide being a permanent solution to a temporary problem

because i know that that statement always rubbed me the wrong way,

felt like it was invalidating the struggle,

mental illness is a permanent problem,

you’ll have good days and bad days

and you’ll wonder if all the bad is really worth

the brief moments of good,

let me tell you it is,

it is so, so, so worth it for the moment

that you can laugh freely, unburdened of the world

for even just 7 seconds,

the moment you look into someone else’s eyes

and realize how much joy you bring them,

it’s so, so, so worth it.

so, to my suicidal friend, i write this letter

so that in your greatest time of need

or even when you have just a little bit of need,

you have a reminder of why i think you’re worth it

of why you need to continue to struggle and persist

to get to the next day, the next meal, the next hour,

next minute, next second

to my suicidal friend, remember that you are worth it

you are beyond worth it

remember that there are no words for me to

describe how much i believe in you,

to my suicidal friend, please live.