Dear frustrated me,

Like every year, on January first, I would vow that this year would be the year I finally make a change. I would vow to finally make eating as healthy as possible a daily habit, and that I would workout at least six days a week; so that by the beginning of the summer, I would have the body of my dreams. But once again, year after year, I would continue to occasionally make an effort to eat healthy and workout, only to be sidetracked by parties and any other events where free food is offered - as well as being sore after a workout and then not working out for the next few days (or weeks). I have always been overweight since I can remember. The one time I actually made an effort and succeeded was in seventh grade when my band class was going on our every-other-yearly summer trip to Disney World to perform and enjoy three of the four theme parks there, which included one of the two water parks there, Blizzard Beach. Because of the water park, I would make every effort to lose weight so that I would feel confident in a swimsuit. I went from grabbing one side instead of two sides at lunch, and every day I would crunches and sit-ups in my room. By the time the end of the school year rolled around, I was in the best shape of my life (to the point my family told me I had gotten a bit too skinny) and to this day I regret not wearing the bikini I had packed. Instead I wore the tankini I had also packed, since I could not decide which one I wanted to wear. Regardless, I still felt fabulous and I looked and felt great through the end of middle school and the beginning of high school. Freshman and sophomore year I still felt great, but I was slowly gaining the weight I had lost. Once I reached junior year, I had begun to gain more weight and did very little to lose it, which rolled into senior year and my first year of college.

My freshman year of college, I had gained a lot more weight than I did in high school due to the demanding lifestyle college would become such as my classes, my new job and the extracurricular activities I was doing as well. I would have very little time to workout between getting out of class, doing homework and getting home late from work to workout. Most of the time I would try to eat healthy, but there would be times when it would be much easier to buy Chick-fil-A or Panda Express on campus because of its convenience to my classes (since they were in the same building as the majority of my classes), doing homework while I ate or I had to go to an extracurricular meeting that took place during the time between classes I usually went to the dining hall to eat. Now that I am about to begin my sophomore year, I want to make a change. A permanent change.

I no longer want to yo-yo diet and workout. I no longer want to feel guilty about myself all the time. I no longer want to see the time pass and say to myself, why have I not done anything to truly make a change in my lifestyle? The last time I attempted to lose weight was earlier in the summer, right after school ended. My goal was to look and feel healthier by the time school began again for the fall, and my infinite attempt failed after two weeks. One advantage from my latest fitness fail was that I bought several workout clothes in which I will definitely use more often than ever in this next attempt of mine. Another advantage that will be useful in my useful attempt is that as a requirement for graduation at my college, I must take two physical education courses and one health course. This fall I will be taking my first one, walking, and I look forward to it because I know that it will encourage me to continue working out not only during my class, but outside of class as well.

I am known for my ambition as well as doing and achieving everything I set my mind to. For some reason, my goal of losing weight hasn't worked out the way I've tried to plan for years. Hopefully, for the last time, I will tell myself that I can do it, and that after only a couple of months of struggle, I will finally achieve another goal of mine. I know that in the end, the satisfaction of seeing my end results and the fact that I actually did it after years of failed attempts will overcome the feelings of I can't do it, I'm too tired or I'll never be able to reach my goal. I'm excited to begin my new lifestyle of working out regularly and eating a well-balanced diet.

However, there is one last note I would like to make: even though I will be changing on the outside, my personality on the inside will never change. The wonderful people in my life will forever enjoy the same personality they met however long ago, no matter how much weight I lose or gain throughout the course of life.

With all that being said, I am very proud of you for finally taking the next step into your fitness goal, and sweat on!