Dear Ryan,

Last week, I watched you swim and speak on a hotel room TV. I texted back and forth with a friend as you appeared, saying that you seemed to have grown up a good bit. I said that you sounded less entitled than you had in years past, less overconfident, and less showy. He agreed, and said that you were "growing on him." We agreed that aging had been good for you. I realize that that might not sound like much of a compliment, but a few years ago I was apologizing to non-swimmers for the kind of attention you had drawn to the sport. Please believe me when I say that we were happy with the change.

When the first versions of this week's adventure drifted into my world, I felt terrible for you. I was angry with Rio de Janeiro for being such a hostile and threatening place, frustrated that athletes had been targeted during the Olympics and heartbroken that these two weeks of peace and international friendliness had been scarred.

A few things haven't changed since then. I'm still angry. I'm even more frustrated than I was before. I'm still heartbroken, and for the very reason, I gave above. That being said, the mounting evidence against your story has turned my thoughts around completely in a few different ways.

First of all, my thoughts on what appeared to be your newfound maturity have reversed themselves. Last week, I was relieved to see that the arrogance that defined you when you were younger seemed to have dissipated. This week, I'm afraid of the idea that you might have become a role model to young swimmers over the years, afraid that they might be watching the shenanigans of this week and losing faith in the goals you made for them. You've built up quite a name for yourself, Ryan Lochte, and a lot of young swimmers are watching you. What will they learn this week?

My frustration has also been completely redirected. Last week, I was angry with Rio de Janeiro for proving itself to be a dangerous place for the Olympic athletes. Why, I asked, should a place where the United States Swim Team is robbed at gunpoint for petty reasons be given the honor of hosting the Olympic Games? How dare they welcome thousands of athletes into a city where such horrible things happen so openly? I'm not frustrated with them this week. No, this week I'm frustrated with you for making such dishonorable use of Rio's reputation. Many people were worried about the safety of the city, and you used that to your advantage, covering up your own behavior with others' expectations. Rio de Janeiro may be a relatively dangerous place, but it was not the troublemaker here. You became the threat by taking the work they put into the Olympics and overshadowing it with your lie. You used them against themselves, and it is incredibly frustrating to think that you got me to believe you.

Finally, I am still sad, but not for you. I am sad now for all the people who trusted you, as a representative of my country and my sport, to interact responsibly with the city that invited you in. You were a guest and an ambassador this week, and you stole the spotlight, crashed the party, and blamed the host, and in so doing you perpetuated an image of entitlement and dishonesty for yourself and your country. This was supposed to be a time of international cooperation, a breath of fresh air, and you've turned it into a scandal. Do you know how many hearts you've hurt by doing that?

You are 32 years old. You have competed in the Olympics three times. You're not a new kid on this block, and it is perfectly reasonable for your country to expect you to represent its best qualities. You failed to do that, with thousands of younger swimmers watching you. I'm disappointed in you, Ryan. Please, for the sake of the people you just hurt, wake up. I think it's past time for you to recognize that if you want to matter, you need to be ready for your decisions to matter, too.