Dear wonderful human being,
I have never in my life been more in love with the idea of you. See, you are exactly what I have always been looking for. You're kind, gentle, smart, caring, and always by my side. The thought of you excites me; you make my heart happy. The only problem is, you deserve much more than I can give you at this moment.
As a person who drifts from place to place, I have found myself to be no longer where you are. I daydream of all the fun times we had together and imagine the possibility for more. Yet, I am still miles away and our lives are not matching up. I go day to day knowing you and I could be infinite. It saddens me to think of all we could have if our lives were on the same wavelength.
You hear it all the time--timing is everything. We want to believe that if we are meant to be together and love each other than timing shouldn't be an object. We like to think that despite all obstacles, by trying hard enough and keeping the faith, nothing can separate us.
Unfortunately that is not the case.
Life has a way of handing you things you think you can handle, but at the wrong time. Whether it was a new job, school, house or opportunity, our timing has just been..off. How come the right person never comes along when everything in life is settled? It just doesn't seem fair.
Some days without you are better than others. I have hope for the future and think things could line up. Going out with my friends and seeing all of the blessings I have in my life now makes me realize it's OK to not have everything put together right away.
Then the bad days come and I feel nothing but regret. Maybe I should have stayed. What if I hadn't taken that opportunity? Am I just being selfish? How much time do I actually need?
When I think of how much I just want to put things back together, I have to remind myself that healing and growth must occur before things can just magically work. Timing isn't something that should be forced, and neither is love. I have to remember that--no matter how sad I become or how desperately I want to fix things--there are reasons it isn't working now. Maybe we both must shape ourselves in our own time in order to fit back together later.
It's a scary thought to feel like you're giving up a person who could be the answer to all of your questions. But it is also a scary thought that we might stop our lives from progressing in order to selfishly force what we want now. I can't drop my dreams for something so uncertain, and you can't drop your life to chase me.
So we wait.
With every ounce of my being I hope and pray we end up together. James Bay wrote the heart wrenching lyrics "Everything that's broke, leave it to the breeze. Why don't you be you, and I'll be me?" And that is just what we have to do. We have to believe that, though we are broken now, if time wants us together we will drift back. Maybe we keep in touch and things pan out. Maybe we don't talk for years and run into each other at a grocery store. Maybe timing wasn't the issue but we really weren't supposed to be. And that is OK! If everything in my life went exactly the way I thought it should, I might not have even met you. Everything happens for a reason, right? They say that when God closes one door He opens a window. Or when life give your lemons, you make lemonade. So maybe we are just supposed to have met to realize there really are amazing things in this world like love, passion, and friendship.
But know this, no matter what, I wish the best for you. I want your life to be so full of happiness, adventure, love and light that you never wish for anything else. If we end up together, it will be beautiful. If we believe this is the way it should be, it will be.
No matter how big of a leap of faith it is to just have to trust that, I am willing to. Because the way I feel for you is unmatched and I have to believe sooner or later, life will be kind and let us love.
If not, at least we can look back and say we tried our best, the timing was just never perfect.
