Note: I first want to acknowledge that women can be perpetrators of sexual harassment and men can be victims and also that people are unjustly accused of and punished for rape they do not commit. I am not trying to enforce gender stereotypes or brush aside these issues. Rather, I hope that, though I use gendered language, you understand that perpetrators are perpetrators and victims are victims, regardless. The effects of rape culture and injustice in general are not limited to a specific gender, situation, etc.

Rape Culture,

Screw you.

Just kidding. I wouldn’t do that because I didn’t ask for consent first. And if you were drunk, I wouldn’t bother asking for your consent because I would know you were in no state of mind to make that decision and I would deter you from drinking more and somehow get you to a safe place. If you were wearing revealing clothes, I would not think any different of you than if you were wearing sweats. If you said yes earlier but are now saying no, I would stop because I was taught to treat people with respect because people are people.

Yet, if it were the other way around, I will take the not-so-wild guess that you wouldn’t ask; you would take drunkenness, silence, and clothing to mean yes and the world would stand by your side and applaud because I sure was asking for it and I got what I deserved. I should know better.

Let’s make this clear: No one asks to be raped and no one deserves to be raped. No one. No matter what they’re wearing, no matter how much they’ve had to drink and certainly not if they’re unconscious, whether someone drugged them or they’ve passed out. (In fact, if someone has passed out, you should actually check if he or she is okay.) I know it’s hard to believe with all the kinks and fetishes out there in the world, but rape is not a kink anyone has. No one is turned on by sexual assault.

Despite your obvious flaws and unjust nature, I know that there are people who support you, whether consciously or unconsciously. There are people who deny you exist and that is support in itself. Just look at what’s happening right now over the Brock Turner case. I don’t think I need to say much about it because it’s such a hot topic at the moment. I could talk about how unfair the judging was, his dad’s unnecessary and whiny letter, his friend’s poorly written letter which states that not all rapes happen because people are rapists, and how racism can be seen in the ruling. However, I won’t because many others have written far more eloquent responses which will likely fall on deaf ears because, well, rape culture.

Let’s not talk about the woman whose life has been irrevocably changed by this 20-year-old's choice—because yes, it was a choice—to assault her. Behind a dumpster. And then run when he was caught and then never testify to doing anything of it. Let’s not talk about her because no one ever talks about the victim unless it’s about her clothes or how much she had to drink. Let’s not talk about it because in the end, boys will be boys and women should know better. I actually read a comment on the victim’s letter that said, “Women STILL don't get it after all this time? It's 2016, STOP GETTING WASTED AT PARTIES, IDIOTS. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN ACTIONS,” as if men are not equally responsible for their own actions. The person who commented was one of many people who said the woman should have known better without any regard to what Brock did, like her actions inevitably destined him to act a certain way. You, rape culture, are what excuses perpetrators and blames victims.

The Brock Turner case is not unique. Sexual assault is ubiquitous, particularly on college campuses. Many cases are not reported, nor are the perpetrators ever caught or brought to justice. It is easy to blame colleges and their party atmospheres on these cases which results in a mindset that students have no choice in the matter. Of course they are swayed by this new and exciting environment; what did any of us expect? However, college students are adults. I know it’s difficult to comprehend, but if we trust them to make the decision to serve our country even at the expense of their own lives, we should trust them to be able to make the decision to not rape. If we trust them to vote for the future of our country, we should be able to trust them not to ruin the future of someone else.

Thanks, rape culture. You’ve told women that the default is to expect they’re going to be raped and so it is their fault if they are. You’ve made out men to be monsters and women to have to either stay silent or be blamed. You’ve made it so men are not capable of controlling their own actions and women “ask for” what happens to them. You’ve denied people the need to take responsibility (unless they’re victims) and denied people of their own humanity and self-worth. Congratulations on reducing human beings to this mindset and state.

Sincerely,

One of the humans who has to live with it