To the person who struggles with self-love,

You may not know me, but I know you to some level. I know the thoughts that run through your head day-in, and day-out. I know the fears and demons that tear at your insides and make you feel like you're not enough. I know what it's like to look at society's perception of beauty and think, I'll never be that.

We live in a tough world. People can be extremely critical, cruel, and cold. There is a very specific mold in which our society tries to fit individuals, known as the binary system. You're this, or you're that, and it's made to seem that there's no room in-between. We are obsessed with labels, with finding acceptance, with this connotation that we must be "perfect." Some of the biggest industries are fueled by its consumer's insecurities, lack of happiness, and comfort in oneself. Can we just take a moment and let that sink in?

So if you're reading this and you struggle with self-esteem, self-love, self-worth, or anything in-between, know that this is meant specifically for you. You need to hear this, and you need to know that you deserve to be happy with yourself.

Long story short, I grew up as a highly insecure girl, always worrying about my body image, and never feeling 100% comfortable in my skin. I didn’t fully realize the importance of self-love until I had studied abroad in the fall of 2014 where I was fortunate enough to befriend strong women who believed in the power of self-love. Bottom line was that I was tired of having low self-esteem, I was tired of not being happy with myself, and so began my journey.

Loving yourself is a process.

Did you know that only 4% of women view themselves as beautiful, and that 6 out of 10 girls don't live their life fully due to their self-esteem issues? Self-love is a journey, because our society loves to point out what we aren’t and glorify what we will never be.

Surprisingly, there is not a heavy emphasis of teaching young children to be comfortable with themselves; it’s more about watching their weight, dressing them in cute gender stereotyped clothing, and how if a boy is mean to you, that means he likes you (and vice versa). When you take a step back and look at all of the small things that we are taught as children, it adds up, and it leaves a lot of individuals feeling like crap about themselves.

But I think it is so worth it to learn how to love yourself, but it’s going to take time, a lot of effort, and a conscious mindset change. It’s not something you can change overnight, and it’s not going to be a walk in the park. There are some days where I’m not feeling confident and loving everything about myself, but it’s nothing compared to how I used to treat myself, and I’m never going back to that.

Ladies and gentlemen (yes you too boys), self-love is something you should invest in, because it’s going to pay off in the long run. There are literally no negatives to being happy with who you are.

Loving yourself should be the most important relationship in your life.

I know it sounds crazy, but we should be building a relationship with ourselves, and it should be a top priority. And you know what? It shouldn’t be crazy. Ralph Waldo Emerson famously said, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something is the greatest accomplishment.”

So figure your sh*t out with yourself before you start dating so you know what you stand for. Take yourself out on dates so that you become comfortable being on your own. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you’re beautiful or handsome instead of critiquing every flaw that you see. Begin to stand up for what you want and what you believe because your opinions and your wants matter. The more I focused on these four things and implemented them into my life, I saw a change in my confidence, and how I perceived myself. And so did other people.

When you love yourself, you’re less likely to accept poor treatment from others.

One of the greatest reasons I believe self-love is so important, especially for adolescents, is the fact that we have been taught that romantic love is the only way to fill that empty void so many of us feel.

For women specifically, society teaches us that our purpose, and our greatest desire in life, is to find the man of our dreams, have a big wedding, and start a family. Even in a time where women can have successful careers, we still get sideways glances when dating and starting a family aren’t at the top of our priority lists. And while that is all fine and dandy, it also makes women feel that they are incomplete without a partner, and that there must be something wrong with them if they aren’t dating/married.

This is just my opinion, but I think this is why so many people, both men and women, stay in unhealthy relationships. Because society has put such a high pressure on people to have #relationshipgoals and a fairy tale love, and because we are not taught the value of loving ourselves, we often try finding love in places that aren’t necessarily the best for us.

And so what happens? We settle for average, even less-than average relationships, even friendships, and we stay much longer than we should. I’ve written about this before, but I cannot reiterate this enough: I used to let boys treat me like crap, and I kept coming back, because I didn’t think I deserved anything more than what I was allowing for myself. Because I did not realize my true worth, I allowed poor treatment and called it love.

Every relationship has its ups and downs, its good and bad days, but I’m a firm believer that if you love yourself before you fall in love with someone else, you’re less likely to allow poor treatment if it happens, because you know what you deserve, and you stick to your guns.

You’re less likely to accept less than what you deserve.

If you think that you’re a great person, you’re going to start holding higher standards for the way you’re living. You’re not going to let people talk down to you, you’re going to fight more for the things you want, and you’re going to be more a commanding presence in the room, just to name a few.

And you know what? It’s okay to think that you’re a great person. There is a fine line between being cocky and confident, but confidence is a great characteristic that many people often don’t possess. So don’t feel bad about yourself or put yourself down because you don’t want to come off as cocky or self-obsessed. Be confident, and don’t accept anything less.

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You may read this and think to yourself, I can’t do this. I’ll never be this confident. I can’t do half the things she talks about. Take those thoughts of self-doubt and throw them out the window. Every time you have those kinds of feelings, replace them with positive ones. You deserve to look at yourself in the mirror, and be happy with what you see. Who has the right to tell you that you’re not good enough? You. You have the power to control how you view yourself, because at the end of the day, you only have yourself to 100% count on. So start building a healthy relationship with yourself, learn to rely on yourself, and remember that you do deserve the very best.

You can do this. You have support. Go and love yourself.