Dear You,
I would first and foremost, unabashedly, like to say that I hate you. I hate that no matter how hard I try, I cannot hate you. You know who you are. You strolled into my life unannounced, and to my surprise, you grew on me. A lot.
You were the reason for so many of my frustrations. A reason for a lot of my tears. A reason for a lot of dents in my broken heart. And amongst all these struggles, you showed me more of myself than I had ever gotten a chance to see.
Though this new version of myself was unfamiliar, it was a side of myself that I really enjoyed. I was a more compassionate, thoughtful, giving version of my normal self. You greeted me with respect and showed me how to value myself and for that matter, you showed me how I deserve to be treated.
I hate you because you made your goals become my goals and your happy moments become my happy moments. I hate that I look back on everything we went through and can only remember positive things.
Though your companionship is a closed chapter in my life, it was a very good, well detailed, imaginative, adventurous, exciting chapter. A sad ending, but a good ending. What you gave me was hope.
I was given a gift that a lot of people are in need of. I was given someone who appreciated my happiness and built me up rather than tear me down. Someone who highlighted all the positive things about me, and appreciated me with all of my quirks and flaws.
I am not going to lie, I have tried to hate you. I have tried to blame all of the things that went wrong in our friendship on you and your inabilities. But in reality, your inabilities were things I really enjoyed about you. If there is one thing I have learned about the toughness of our falling out, it is that the things that created our downfall were neither of our doings. They were simply a list of things that we could not compromise on. I think you and I both know that we could not change our core beings into a forced friendship, not to mention timing, which we both know how that goes.
Let me just say, you are one heck of a person. You were a beautiful surprise in my life, for not only did I not see you coming, I had no idea how largely you would influence my life. I hope that I left a mark on you as you did on me, quietly and subtly. It was not until after our falling out that I realized how you changed me, but for the better.
I hate you for being someone I can never forget. I hate that I can try and try, and my thoughts on you will never change. Above all, I want you to know how highly I think of you. I respect you and your genuine character. You and your unknowing ability to be selfless, how caring you are, how hard working you are, the list could go on forever. So with this being said, you will always be one of my favorite humans.
I know I am a little broken now, but it's getting better all the time. You will always have a little piece of me that I could never get back, but at least I know this part of me is in good hands.
I do hate you. Because I hate that I cannot hate you.
P.S- Thank you
Yours truly,
Me
