You know I don’t even care that it was my first time. Whether it was my first time having sex or my hundredth, what you did to me still would hurt just the same. I guess I just thought you had a little more respect for me than just a girl you could use to get laid. We were friends. In fact, I liked you. I really fucking liked you. I didn’t expect you to feel the same way or be ready for a relationship if you did actually like me as well. But I did think you at least cared about me a little bit. As a friend. Or even just as a person.
You were sweet in the moment, and I appreciate that, but you turned into a total dick afterward. Then you went on to tell everyone else how you apologized to me for the way you handled the situation, which is a damn lie by the way, and how you felt bad, but coincidentally have never told me any of that. Actually, you can’t seem to say a damn thing to me after sleeping with me. Do you know how much that fucking hurts? I went from thinking someone truly cared for me to feeling worthless. Like I was nothing. Someone told me about how you were saying that you do genuinely care about me which is honestly impossible to believe. I don’t think you care about me at all. All you cared about the past few times we hung out was getting laid, or at least that’s how it appears.
This person also said that you were worried about me. People said that when that stranger was hitting on me, you were pissed and wanted him out. Next thing I know he’s gone. Is that supposed to make me feel better? I can’t be with you because you don’t feel the same way, but I can’t be with anyone else because that seems to get guys thrown out of parties. I can’t handle these mind games! It fucks with me too much! You say I’m your friend then don’t talk to me. You cuddle with me in bed and kiss me then act like we’re strangers the next morning. You say it was a mistake and an act on impulse but that night WASN’T the first time you tried to have sex with me.
You know, the way you act pulls my emotions every which way and I don’t deserve it! I don’t deserve any of the shit you pulled on me, but I dealt with it. I dealt with it because I had a silly liking for the hot boy I met at Warped Tour. The sweet guy who made me laugh when we fought over pillows and whose smile made me light up. The guy who could put his arms around me and let me drift off to sleep. The guy who made me feel happy. Like I actually had a chance with someone. But that guy was never really into me, and I’ll get over it. I’m done with wasting tears over you. It’s immensely draining. You can tell everyone about how you apologized to me, even though that never happened, and that you care about me, but I’ve given up on the idea of you being a guy worth my attention.You knew from the beginning that you were going to fuck me and leave me, but you just don’t have the balls to admit it. You’re a coward. So congratulations. You almost broke me. Almost. At this point, I don’t even have the energy to hate you. I’ve cried over you. Spent hours wondering why I wasn’t enough. Maybe not pretty enough. Not smart enough. Not funny enough. Just not enough. What could I have done to make a guy think it was okay to treat me this way? But I am enough- enough for myself, and that is all that matters. We’re not enemies. That would just be ridiculous, but I definitely do not consider you a friend. Maybe one day when you grow up, take responsibility for your actions and say a few words to me, then we can be friends, but right now, we are nowhere close to what real friends are. A real friend wouldn’t treat me the horrible way you’ve been treating me. All you are now is a mistake I made on a Tuesday night. A mistake that still affects me to this day.
