Dear Momma,
Just two months ago you were living life normally until you went to the doctor's and they took a sample of the blood blister on your leg. We thought nothing of it, just a skin irritation.
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August was starting out to be a great month. We just had our family reunion, you celebrated your birthday and we went to Knoebels amusement park. Everything seemed to be peachy keen.
August 9, 2016 is when our entire world flipped upside down. You were diagnosed with a type of non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma cancer. I was at work when I heard the news. I went to the bathroom and as I closed the door behind me I felt suffocated with my racing thoughts in the tiny space.
Why does this have to happen to my mom? She doesn't deserve this.
Even though these thoughts still make their presence frequently, one has stuck every single minute, hour, and day:
I don't want to lose my mom.
As I write this tears are rolling down my face uncontrollably. We haven't always gotten along and we don't see eye to eye on most things, but whenever I needed you the most you were there for me. You laid in bed with me when I was struggling with depression and held me until I fell asleep. You took me to group therapy sessions an hour away from our house every Wednesday. You always bought me the new One Direction CD and always sang along to it in the car with me.
You were the only person who never gave up on me. Even when we had fights that made us not talk to each other for the rest of the night, you would always check up on me in the middle of the night to see if I was okay.
I want to say: I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for all of the terrible things I've said to you when I was so mad at you. You didn't deserve it and you don't deserve what has happened to you, but you will never have to fight alone.
Mom, you're the strongest person I know. If anybody could kick cancer's ass, it's you. From when I was a little girl I've seen you take on many battles and it always amazed me how strong and brave you are.
You begin chemo very shortly and I know it scares you even when you say it doesn't. It's okay to be scared. When you're scared it usually means you're about to do something really brave. I know there will be tough days that you'll want to give up, but you'll never have to fight alone. You have so many friends and family cheering you on. Nobody wants cancer to win. You're a warrior and what do warriors do when they're knocked down? They pick up their swords and fight.
I love you more than you'll ever know. You're the most beautiful and strong woman I have ever known. Your strength and resilience inspires me and others immensely. If anybody could give cancer a run for its money, it's you. I just want you to know that I'm always thinking and praying for you every second of the day. I hope to be at least half the woman you are some day. Give em hell, Mom.
Love always,
Your little girl
